Category Archives: Musings

Never too old

13 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Musings, Optimism

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Those who know me well, know how much I love the monsoons. From watching the rains from my window, to hanging my feet outside the window to wet them, to even (gasp!) jumping in the puddles – I have done (and continue to do) it all. For those who have known me for a while, and thus given up all hopes of me ever acting my age, this comes as no surprise at all. 😛 For those who have come to know me recently, it is quite a shocker to imagine someone my age (and size) jumping merrily in a puddle of water, splashing it all around. “You will be <insert any number between 30 and 40> soon, and you still jump around in the rains?? WTH!!” is the most common (and most amusing) reaction I get. My reaction to this – if you don’t know or experience the pure joy that monsoons can bring to you, you are way older than me already – in the mind, that is.

But then, this post is not about the monsoons, neither is it about my age (chronological or otherwise). It is about how we are supposed to stop behaving like a child once we can’t see the birthday cake due to all the candles. Okay, so not being childish is indeed the right thing to do, but why do we have to stop being child-like? No matter what the world says, this is something I plainly refuse to follow. And there is a big difference between being childish and being child-like. If you hold on to your grudges/opinions above everything else, you are being childish. If you still break into a smile when you see a rainbow or even a plane zooming across the sky and stretch your hands to catch it, you are child-like, and hence, my friend. 😀

Have you ever observed a child at play? When something irritates it, it will make its displeasure loud and clear by testing your ear-drums, or at the very least, your patience. But once the problem goes away, they will be back to being little angels, all the earlier brouhaha being conveniently forgotten. Does this mean that they never meant the earlier display of histrionics? Oh yes, they definitely did. Just that once their grievance was addressed, they knew how to get back to the business of enjoying life as if it is the wonderful thing they ever possessed. It is this attitude of “jo ho gaya, wo jaane do” that we lose somewhere while “growing up”. We grow more conscious of what we are “supposed to do” as against what we “want to do”. More and more of our actions are dictated by what others will make of them, instead of what we want to make of them. And then we grow disillusioned with the world, and start cribbing about how we are unhappy/dissatisfied/bored etc. But have we paused for a moment and thought to ourselves – Hey, why am I cribbing about something, when it was my choice to not follow my own instinct on this one?

Agreed that following our own instinct may not always be the easier thing to do. At times, it will simply be impossible to do, no matter how earnestly you try. At such times, don’t think that you chose the wrong course of action. It was just that things were not in your favour, and it simply means that its not your time yet. It will soon be, sure as daylight after night. 🙂 All that is fine and dandy, you may say, but what to actually “do” in such a situation? Once again, I will point you to that little child. Observe what they do after you’ve firmly denied them what they want. They will surely sulk for a while, but leave them alone for some time, and they will be back to what they do best. They will not bother about the world outside and start being happy with themselves. When we seek those moments of being child-like in our grown-up, routine life, THAT is what we should be doing – creating our own little wonderlands where our inner child can prosper. 🙂

So, the next time you see a plane flying overhead, reach out to it – I am sure you will be able to catch it. 🙂

P.S: Oh, and if you see a puddle, go jump right in. It IS awesome fun. 😀

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Travel light!!

13 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Musings

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Some days back, I was talking to my mom about something. Yes, contrary to what many of my friends think, I don’t spend all my waking hours in office. 😉 Invariably, the conversation veered towards our relatives. They are indeed so much in number that they tend to pop up everywhere, even in our conversations. 😀 That was when my mom told me that so-and-so uncles were not on talking terms with so-and-so aunt and my reaction was “Weren’t they like peas in a pod the last time we talked about them?”, last time being barely a year back. My mom’s reply – “Yeah, they had some showdown about <insert random trivial issue here> and they are not talking to each other now”. And I was like…shouldn’t they know better than that? Especially at their age, when my generation looks at them as role models (sort of). Isn’t age supposed to make you humble, wise and all good things like that? But then again, maturity is not a guaranteed byproduct of age, is it? So, rather than blaming the elders, why not look at the real issue?
And it is this – not everyone knows how to (or is willing to) let go of grudges, resentments and all other negative emotions that tie us down. We often carry all these along with us, weighing down on our heart, and our very being. We do realise that we are not doing the right thing here, yet continue to do it. Why? I feel it is because of two reasons (there may be many, but these two immediately come to mind). One, holding a grudge against someone/something makes us feel like we are the aggrieved party, the one who has been unfairly treated. This, we believe, gives us the right to place ourselves at a higher moral ground against the “aggressor”. “If I have been unfairly treated, doesn’t that automatically mean that I was doing the right thing and the other person was wrong in what he did?” is how we reason this out with ourselves. Secondly, we assume that if we have been wronged against, we have been put in an uncomfortable position, and yet we have managed to “survive it”. Hence, we have some superpower that allows us to treat others like mere mortals who have done nothing but create problems for us. We talk proudly about how someone did their best to trouble/use/manipulate us and we did not fall prey to their machinations. What we fail to realise is that when we keep talking about the long-lost grudges, we show that we are still carrying them with us, on our heart, our mind. Yes – we achieved a lot inspite of all that we faced, but wouldn’t we have achieved much more if we had just let go of all that held us down for so long, and soared into the sky, much lighter, much more hopeful?
I believe life is like a journey, and grudges (and other assorted negative emotions) are nothing but useless baggage that slows you down. The longer you travel, the more baggage you pick up, and hence, the more you need to discard if you want to keep moving ahead. Else you are just going to slow down, and stangnate at the end of it all. Trust me on this – every single person in your life is going to hurt you at some point or other, knowingly or unknowingly. Does this mean that you keep that hurt boiling on a cauldron all life long? If the answer is even remotely close to yes, remind yourself of all the good times with that very same person. You meant (and hopefully, still mean) a lot to them, and them to you. Why would you want to trouble yourself looking at the dark moments when there is so much sunshine to cherish? And if the person no longer means much to you (or vice versa), that is even more reason to let go of all those moments/memories that are haunting you.
Easier said than done, right? Of course, easy to say, and perhaps way more difficult to actually implement. Afterall, Teflon wasn’t around when God created the human mind. 🙂 We find it really difficult to let go, even when we know we should. Here, I can only say what works for me, and hope it works for you as well. The next time you remember a person/situation for something “bad” they did to you, and hate them for it, force yourself to remember a few “good” things that they did to you. I can bet – you will be able to come up with at least one good thing for every bad thing. And if you can’t, they never should have been a part of your life. Stop keeping them in your life by thinking on and on about them. It will seem painful in the beginning, like all detachment does. At the end of the day though, you will thank yourself for it. 🙂
So yes, life is indeed a journey. If you want to travel far and wide to the beautiful lands, let go of your excess bagagge. Travel light!! 🙂

Easy does it..or does it?

11 Thursday Apr 2013

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This post was triggered by a conversation I had with a friend today. During the course of the conversation, she happened to say that one should not commit to something with which they are not comfortable. To which, my reply was that the human mind is indeed a strange place. If we are uncomfortable with something, we tend to value/desire it more than something we are at home with. And this is what set me thinking – what is it about us that makes us take for granted what we get easily or without much effort? I have seen this happen so many times around me, sometimes in my own life, sometimes in someone else’s that it surprises me no more. Yet, I do find it a curious phenomenon.

Like many questions in life, this too is someone we can only have our own theories or opinions about, without really having an absolute answer. Personally, I feel it is because if we get something with little or no effort, we feel entitled to it. “Hey, why should I have to work my backside off for that? Or to even deserve it? See how I got it so easily the first time round? That is what is gonna happen the next time as well.” – this is what we keep saying to ourselves. On the other hand, if we have to shed a lot of sweat to have something in our hands (no, I am not talking about standing in a long queue outside Starbucks :P), we automatically tend to respect it a lot more. Not only because we have put in so much effort into it, but also because we know that if we let it go, we will have to do all that hard work again, and don’t want to do so.

And this brings me to the next obvious thought – why can’t we appreciate something based on its own intrinsic value, regardless of how we have got it? Why can’t we be grateful for the good fortune of having something without stretching ourselves too much. Believe me – there will be someone who would kill to have what you have. So, why not be thankful for that? Also, there will be times when you will put in your life and soul into something, sacrifice nights and nights of sleep over it, and yet have precious nothing to show as a result. What are you going to do then? Get obsessed with it and brood over it? Or just smile, shrug it off and get ready for the next battle? For me, the choice is obvious. 🙂

So, the next time whenever you get/achieve something, wipe that smug smile off your face. Just look up at the sky, and give your friend up there a big thumbs up. Tell him that you are thankful for what you have, and ready to fight for what you don’t. 🙂

P.S: This is not all I have to say on this matter. I will let the thought lie dormant within for some time, and soon be back with a follow-up post.

Aao meelon chalein…

10 Wednesday Apr 2013

Posted by in Life, Musings

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Jab We Met happens to be one of my favourite films – the kind you can just sit back and enjoy, without worrying that you are probably watching it for the Nth time. Awesome music, honest performances, and an overall feel-good factor – there are so many things to enjoy about this movie. And yet, what has remained with me the most is a line from one of its songs – “Aao meelon chalein, jaana kaha…naa ho pata…“

Taken literally, this would mean walking along a path, not knowing where the destination is. Admittedly, this is a scary thought, and trust me, I am actually quite uncomfortable with it. One thing that I have always loved having in my life is certainty of an outcome in whatever I do, and this just does not fit in. But then, is it really as scary or undesirable as it seems to be? Not really, if you consider the other side of the coin.

Typically, when we set about doing something, we have a set of one or more possible outcomes in mind. We tend to work towards these outcomes, adjusting our tactics when faced with situations which would divert us from these “goals”. Having been brainwashed over the years, we sincerely believe that unless we know where we are going, we would never end up reaching there. Hence, it is vitally important to know where we are going, and if we don’t know that, we are in for trouble. Now, this actually works beautifully for measurable goals like accumulating a certain bank balance, rising to a desired designation in your job, or even buying a house/car. And this leads us to believe that definite goals are the holy grail of life.

This is when we take the first false step – we start applying this principle to anything and everything that we want to do or possess. Unfortunately, not everything works in this fashion. Many a times, it is necessary to not know where we are going if we want to reach there. Setting your eyes on the final goal will prevent you from enjoying the journey, and if you have not enjoyed the journey, you have surely missed out on a lot. The biggest area where this applies is what I call “human connections” – these may be friendships, relationships, affairs or the like. Ask this to yourself – would you really enjoy falling in love with someone if you had a 30/60/90-day deadline to making that person like you? Would you be happy if your mind was always looking at the calendar and going “Oh my god..just 23 days to go before I pop the question. I have to speed up my efforts.“? If you have answered yes to any of these, please stop reading right here. If not, you have your head (and heart) in the right place. 😀

When we allow relationships/friendships to blossom, we allow them time to forge together, to prosper without the stress of an artificial deadline looming. When we have our eyes on what we want out if it, all our actions are dictated by the end goal, and not the natural flow of the relationship. Guess what this leads to? Yes, it is spelled as D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.

Moral of the story? Sometimes, its good to not know where you are going. Who knows, you just might reach the right destination. Meelon chalne ka bhi apna hi mazaa hai..hai na? 🙂

Love…actually!!

05 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Love, Musings

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After writing about the best love story I have ever seen, I am back with…yes, you guessed it right…yet another love story. Can’t help it – love is something about which I can write any time, anywhere and trust me, I can go on and on. 🙂

Contrary to what some would expect, this is not about my love story. This is about a love story which I only got to know about a few months back, and which has stayed with me ever since then. This is the story of Samarpita and Sankalp, who celebrate their fourth wedding anniversary today. This post is meant to be my little contribution to the celebrations. 🙂

I came across Samarpita (Sam) on Twitter a few months ago during the course of an afternoon of random handle-hopping. Like I normally do, I checked out her blog, and liked what I found. She writes (and thinks the same way too, as I discovered later) quite sensibly. Of course, she has her share of dramatic moments, but then that goes with the territory I guess. 😛 I haven’t interacted with Sankalp yet, but if he is anything like how she describes him, he has to be a pretty sorted out guy. Now this is one story I haven’t seen closely, so I will not be going into the details. What I will be focusing on instead, is how it makes me feel, and what it teaches me.

Firstly, and most importantly, it reinforces my belief that anything worth having in your life, is worth fighting for…to the very end. It might be one thing to expect things to fall in place just because you think you “deserve” to have that person in your life, but the fact remains that nothing good in life has ever come easy. We may crib about how life makes us work our backside off to get what we want, but do we ever pause and enjoy the awesome feeling when we end up with someone we want to be with? To put it simply, if you want to be with someone, be prepared to go the extra mile, and more, to be with them.

Just because two people love (and want to be with) each other, life isn’t going to say “Oh how sweet!! Here…let me hand you a pair of wedding bells. Enjoy your ride into the sunset”. It is going to make you work hard for it, make you prove that yours is not but a fleeting dream, it is a strong determination to have that person by your side. It might pull you apart in the process, but if you stick to your guns, it is definitely going to put you back together on that ride into the sunset, and throw in a nice orange hue over the horizon, on the house. 🙂

While you are on the way to your destination, there will be times when you will feel like giving up, and justifiably so. Things will seem so bleak that it would seem like a lesser evil to just give it all up, and fall in line with what you are supposed to do, and not what you really want to do. This is your moment of truth, and it will separate the “we did it” stories from the “we could have been” ones. Hang on to each other, to yourself, with all that you have. If it is meant to be, it will bloody well be. 🙂

We are used to being a certain person, behaving in a certain manner all our lives, and obviously find nothing wrong with it. However, there will be times when you feel that you being yourself is not working in favour of the relationship. This will be one of the biggest questions you will have ever faced – whether to change yourself for the sake of someone, or to stick to your “individuality”. There are many ways of looking at it, but all I will say is this. If making some changes to who/what you are makes life easier for both of you, and makes the other person feel valued, go for it by all means. There will still be people who will tell you not to change at all and that the other person should be able to accept you just the way you are. Let them live in their utopia – you are the one trying to make a real life here. 🙂

So…finally all went well, and the bells chimed for you. Yay!! Now to settle down into holy matrimony, and enjoy life forever after…right? You couldn’t be more wrong. There is a reason why all those movies end with the couple getting married, and it is this – would you really pay to watch the heroine adjust with her new family, or the hero get up and go to office, wondering how the girl he loved has transformed into the woman he has married? 😀 Movies are about suspension of disbelief, life is about real belief. As simple as that. Most of the times, marriage is just the beginning of a greater story, one that is going to be written over a lifetime. Just like you enjoyed the prologue, enjoy the main act. It will seem like survival at times, but get this one thing clear – If, every morning, you are getting up next to the person you want to, you are extremely privileged. Be grateful for that, and do whatever you can to deserve that privilege.

Like I said before, I can go on and on about this, but then, this is not about me. This is about you, S and S. 🙂 And I will say this, your story not only inspires me, it gives me hope. A hope that life is surely going to smile for me some day, and I will be there, beaming right back at it. 🙂

No..I haven’t forgotten what this post is basically about..hehe. Wish both of you an awesome fourth anniversary, and may there be at least 40 more. Of course, more the merrier!! 😀 What say?

Ek chhoti si love story

17 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Love, Musings

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Valentine’s day was celebrated a couple (pun intended) of days back, with a lot of fervour. Lots of people (read: the committed ones) were all awash in red, while many others (read: singles/cynics) saw red. Me? I was enjoying myself, watching both these types. And yes, writing this post. So, why am I publishing this 3 days after V-Day? Simply because I did not want to get it to get lost in all that red. 😉

Since this was written on V-day, it is obvious that it is going to be about love. However, this is not going to be about love per se, I am simply going to tell you about the best love story I have ever seen – that of my parents. 🙂

Almost 35 years...and still going strong!

Like all good love stories, this one too goes a really long way back. Both of my grandfathers were with the Imperial Police (post-1947, the Mumbai police). Both families were neighbours in the Police Lanes at Byculla (we are talking about the 1960s here) and it so happens that rice, sugar or pulses weren’t the only things that were exchanged between them. 😀 This was where love blossomed between the two. True to form, like most love stories, it wasn’t smooth sailing all the way. My maternal grandpa didn’t quite approve of the pairing and put his foot down, saying “no can do”. It was then that mom/dad did something which wasn’t quite so common in those days – they went for a court marriage. Yes, 2 witnesses from either side, garlands exchanged in the Registrar’s office, typical poses for the camera, and all that jazz. 😛

Well, the story didn’t end there. In fact, this was the real beginning, of a life-long story. One in which there were obstacles, ups and downs, sunshine and clouds, but most importantly, trust and faith. In all the years that I have been seeing my parents spend their lives with each other, one thing has always struck me – though theirs is a love marriage, they are not the typical “in love” couple. I cannot remember a day when dad bought a flower for mom or when mom sung a song for dad. In fact, the last time dad bought a flower home for mom, it was because he had got it at a wedding reception and did not want to waste it by throwing it away. 😛

So what is it that has really kept them together? There are many factors that make this happen, but the biggest one is the simplest. They want to be with each other – as simple as that. 🙂

For all their differences of opinion, and their small (and sometimes not-so-small) arguments about how something should be done, they have always been one person to the world. No matter how or what they think about something, once they have (together) taken a decision on it, it is well nigh impossible to get them to contradict each other on that. If you love someone, you stand for them, come what may – this is something I have seen happening throughout my life. I didn’t have to read quotes or watch any cute videos to know that – I have experienced it at close quarters. Of course, this did create some problems for me as a kid. I would hate it when I wanted something and went to mom to ask for it. Her reply would be “I don’t think you need that now.” and then I used to go to dad and pester him. His only question would be “What did mom say?” and on hearing the answer, he would smile and say “Well, its not happening then, son!” I used to be super grumpy then but today I realise how it has helped me a lot, by teaching me to wait for what I want, and more importantly, deserving something before wanting it.

Another very important thing that I learnt from my parents is how to always care for the one you love. It is OK if you may not like all that they do, but at the end of the day, you value the person as a whole, and not the bits and pieces that make them. Till date, regardless of what has happened during the day, I have never seen mom let dad go to sleep without ensuring he has drank milk and neither have I seen dad hit the bed without applying cream to mom’s knees (she has a knee problem). To me, THAT is true love – no matter what all the books/movies/songs in the world tell me.

And then, people ask me why I am such a firm believer in love? Silly question, isn’t it? 🙂

So long, 2012…

31 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by in Life, Looking back, Love, Musings

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And here we are, at the end of yet another year. And like always, here I am, with my take on the year gone by. However, this is a take on the year in my life, and is certainly not a review of 2012 as you get to read in the news or watch on the TV.

This was one year where LOTS happened in almost every area of my life, and I am not going to go really deep into the details. Autobiography ke liye bhi kuch baaki rehna chaahiye na? As I normally do, this time too, I am going to break this post down into a few major categories, and expand on them. This also ensures that you can run away anytime you feel like, without missing on too much. 😛

  1. Career:
    Like most years, this was the area that saw a healthy amount of activity. I had switched departments in 2011, and I came back to my original one towards the end of this year. Without going into too much detail, I can surely say that this was one of the best learning experiences I have ever had. To put my laurels behind, and to go back to being a rank learner, was a scary, yet exciting experience. Being a “newcomer” again taught me a few new things, helped me unlearn a few others, and gave me a fresh outlook, on the whole. And to boot, now I have a knowledge of one more domain, which helps me in my current profile as well, and not to mention, gives me some minor bragging rights as well. 😉
  2. Human Connections:
    I prefer to use this phrase over done-to-death clichés like “Love”, “Relationships”, “Friendships”, “Romance” and so on. Well, this was the front which dominated 2012 for me. And this was the area where I experienced both dizzying heights of ecstasy as well as the crushing depths of disappointment. It was in 2012 that the girl I love (not a typo – “love” is indeed the word, “loves” isn’t) the most, reciprocated my feelings (around January). A whole lot of moments and memories followed. Needless to say, it was the most top-of-the-world-and-beyond feeling ever. Having started on a heady high, the year almost floated by, before I could even blink. Unfortunately, the dreams that we saw together didn’t survive the collision with reality, and December saw life taking her away from me. The person who used to be an inseparable part of my being, is now but a fond dream from the past. And there is nothing that I can do except look back at the memories and smile to myself – “Well…it was great while it lasted”. So, has this changed me as a person? Well..that is what follows next.
  3. I, Me, Myself:
    Having seen both the highs and the lows that life can offer, all within the span of a year, one would naturally expect to see a lot of changes in oneself. Well, not for me, kyonki perfection ko improve karna bahut mushkil hota hai. 😉
    Jokes and dialogues apart, yes – this indeed has been a year which started on a high and ended in a kinda depressing manner. But no, this does not mean I have turned into some sad old bugger, cynical and critical of the world around him. Yes – I am indeed deeply affected by the disappointment, but no, I am NOT going to give up fighting for what I want, I am not going to give up on the hope that one day life will smile for me again, and for good. 🙂
    As I always like to tell myself – just because I didn’t achieve the desired success in a career initiative, or did not end up with the person I wanted to be with, it does not reflect on me as a person. I know that I did all that I could, and that is what really counts. If things didn’t happen the way I wanted, so be it. If I was punched and pounded, so be it. I am simply going to keep getting up, again and again, and again, a la Rocky Balboa, till life gives up and says…”kar le yaar…jo bhi karna hai“.

There is lots I could say, but I don’t want to be responsible for putting to sleep whoever reads this. So, I will sum it up with something that I always knew, and which life taught me once again this year:

हर जंग से विजेता होकर लौटना मुमकिन नहीं, कुछ सफ़र सिर्फ़ चलने के लिये तय करने पड़ते है ।

On that note, I will say adios. The hawa ka jhonka will blow past these pages soon…keep reading. 🙂

We MUST…

23 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by in Musings

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It has been a really long time since I posted on this blog, and what brought me back here is one of the most shameful incidents I have known of in recent time. Yes, you got it right, I am indeed talking about the brutal gang rape that happened in Delhi last week. What I write, is not from the perspective of a man or a woman, but that of a human being who is pained at what he sees happening around him, and doesn’t want a repeat of it.

Now I know that there has been tons of newsprint and pages and pages of virtual print dedicated to people from all walks of life expressing their anguish, outrage and disgust over what has happened. Even as I write this, many spirited young men and women are protesting at Raisina Hills to make the government see what we have already known for quite some time – that one half of humanity in this country does NOT feel safe here anymore. Much has been said about the incident, the underlying causes, what we should/need to do when such things happen. Much has also been said about how such things should NEVER have happened in the first place. I don’t feel I have anything more to add on that count. Instead, I will be focusing on how we can do our best to prevent such things from happening, what changes do we need to bring about in ourselves, so that any woman in this country does not have to feel sorry for being born a woman.

The core point that I am driving at is that women will never be truly safe until they are considered as equals (superior actually – being a woman is a much tougher task than being a man, wherever you are) to men, and treated with the respect that comes along with such a status. Having said that, I believe that points of action always work better than platitudes. So, this is what we should must do:

  1. Treat the women in our life with respect. Its okay if you don’t worship them as goddesses, just don’t make them follow the pre-conceived notions of “good behaviour” that our society has handed down to us over the generations.
  2. As a colleague/friend/stranger on the street, don’t judge a woman by what she chooses to wear. A woman wearing a saree is not necessarily a better person than someone who wears jeans/tops.
  3. As a mother, teach your kids that the daughter has as much right to enjoy a good education, luxuries in life, etc. as the son. Her aspirations are equally important and will not be sidelined in the favour of the son. If you are in a position where you cannot fulfill everyone’s dreams, the disappointment will be shared equally, it won’t happen that the son gets what he wants, while the daughter gets a sermon on “adjustment” and “sacrifice for the family”.
  4. As a son/daughter, understand that your mother has given up a lot, has gone though a lot, and continues to do so to see you happy. Not all of those sacrifices were justified, and though she did it for you, that doesn’t mean she “wanted” to do it. She is a human being and has her own desires – she is NOT the all-sacrificing deity that you see her as. Make sure that you acknowledge the importance of those sacrifices.
  5. As a husband, you have an added responsibility towards your wife. Unlike the other men in her life, who were a part of it by default, she has chosen to be with you. You are the choice she has made, the one she has trusted her life with. So make sure you understand the honour you have been bestowed with, and behave accordingly.
  6. Again, as a husband, treat your wife the way you would want to be treated yourself. While it might be okay to feel lazy after a long day at work, it is not ok to just come back home, put up your feet and expect a hot cuppa chai from her, when she herself has just got through a nerve-wracking day at office. Get up your ass, and go help her in the kitchen. Rest assured, it won’t make you any less of a man.
  7. It is quite possible that your family and your wife will have differing opinions on something,and that it will lead to clashes. Use your own judgement, and stand by what is right. If it means supporting your wife, do so by all means. If it means telling her that she is wrong, do it. Just make sure that you are speaking as a thinking human being, and not as a husband/son.
  8. If you have a sister, be there for her, always. Be protective of her, but don’t shackle her down with Dos and Don’ts. With you around, she should feel secure, not suffocated.
  9. And now, for the most important man in any girl’s life – her father. You, sir, have the biggest and most significant role to play in your little kiddo’s life – for you are the standard she will judge all men in her life against. Make sure you stand up to the biggest challenge that life has thrown at you. Treat her like the princess that she is. Understand what she wants to be, and help her do that. You are the guy she will always love the most, make sure your actions make you worthy of it.
  10. Give her the same privileges that you would give to your son. Being worried for her safety is understandable, but try and see to it that you are the wind underneath her wings, not the chains that tie her down.
  11. Most importantly, there will be a time in your life when you have to give her hand away to another man. Choose him well, and for god’s sake, don’t think that you have to reward him for doing so. If you have brought her up well, getting married to her is a privilege he is being awarded with, not some onerous task that you need to pay him for. If you give dowry, you are only telling your daughter that you are so eager to see her off that you are willing to pay for it. And that, my dear sir, is going to hit her where it hurts most.

There is a lot more that I could write, but the basic point remains just this – without women, this world would no longer be a wonderful place. So, we must do all that it takes to make them feel happy, feel safe. How we do it, is really not the question – for where there is a will, there will be many ways. On that note, adios. See you soon!

Keep your cool…

09 Sunday Oct 2011

Posted by in Life, Musings

≈ 3 Comments

The trouble with getting back to writing after a really long time is that you don’t know where to start. It’s like this – you have lots to say, but just can’t pick up one thing to focus on because there are just so many of them, all waiting to get out. So what do you do in such a situation? Simple – just hit the keyboard and get on with the first thing that comes to your mind.

What comes to my mind right now is an incident that happened a few days ago. I was talking to a friend and she happened to say…”Maybe I should take a few tips from you on how not to be affected by disappointment. You seem almost unaffected by anything negative that happens to you.”, I was quite surprised by that statement, because however cool it sounds to be complimented like that, I know that its simply not true. So what is it really that makes people think that I am “unaffected”? On a broader level, what is it that I am doing different from others? Am I even doing something really different? Lots of questions…and no ready answers.

At the outset, let me make this clear – I am human (though many think of me as a non-terminating Terminator – a near-human machine :P) and disappointments affect me as much as they affect everyone (more so sometimes). What perhaps makes me different is that I manage to ensure that the disappointment does not last for long. And there is really no rocket science or superhuman endurance behind it. The secret is actually no secret at all. It all boils down to one simple question – how do you prefer to be? Gloomy all day with your face dropping to the floor, or buckled up to take life head-on, (preferably) with a smile on your face? For me, the choice is simple.

Now you might say that this sounds very good in theory, but not so easy to put in practice. When your mind is raging over that missed promotion or something hurtful that your boss/partner said, or when you just got dumped, being sanguine about it is the last thing that you are going to feel like doing. Well, I will give you that – its really not easy. But let me ask you this – if being cool isn’t easy, does beating  yourself up really help? Not one bit, I say.

People who know me will kind of expect me to start spouting advice at this point. No way folks…this ain’t one of those times. Perhaps I will come back some other time to share my tips with you, but for now, I will just leave you with this. Decide what you want to see becoming reality – the smiles and happiness of those who love you (including yourself) or the smirks of those who would love to see you fail and fall? This one decision will alone set you on the right track. Keep walking!! 🙂

P.S: It helps if you can develop the ability to keep a straight/smiling face when deep inside, you feel like bursting/crying/killing someone/whatever. Fake it till you make it.