Category Archives: Hope

Why do I click a selfie everyday?

18 Thursday May 2023

Posted by in Hope, Life, Looking back

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It has been so long since I returned to the keyboard for writing a blogpost that it almost seems like a new place altogether. What does not feel new place however, is the urge that pushes me to write. So, without much ado, here we go.

Recently, I did one of those AMA (Ask Me Anything) stories on Instagram. One of the questions was “What motivates you to click a selfie every morning?“. I answered “I could say it was my good looks, but it is actually the determination to not have a negative body image.“. At the time, I thought it was a pretty smart answer. When I look back at it now, I realise how unthinkable this answer would have been just a decade or so ago, and how much it means to be able to say that with complete honesty. It has been a long journey on the sands of time, and it has not always been an easy one.

When I was born, I was a premature baby who popped out to say “Hello world!” in the 7th month itself. I think that was the beginning of my habit of reaching everywhere before time. Of course, this meant that both mother nature and my mother had a lot of work on their hands. While my mother did her best and was instrumental in helping me survive (I was severely underweight and had a low chance of survival), mother nature did not seem to bother much and shipped me out on an as-is basis. I was born with unilateral grade 3 microtia (an underdeveloped right ear), weak vision in the right eye, and according to some people, an under-developed brain as well. With so many “right” parts having issues, it has been no surprise that I have ended up being left-leaning in my way of thinking and opinions.

Growing up with 1.5 ears and 2 eyes, out of which only one ear and one eye worked well wasn’t easy. I don’t mean this in the sense of physical health. Apart from the scare at birth, I have enjoyed pretty good health all my life. If you have been mocked for any real or perceived physical imperfection by anyone, you will know what I am talking about. Hearing nicknames like “one with the crooked/broken ear” or “half-hearer” is never easy on the heart, especially when you are a child. Having to hear the sniggers around makes you suspicious of anything that (non)strangers say around you, especially when you are not able to very clearly hear what they are saying. It can lead to some paranoia as well. That was pretty much what I went through almost till the 10th standard. Thankfully, and I mean this with the most gratitude I can, my teachers were particular about not allowing other kids to tease me, at least in the class. Outside class, I had a small set of friends who looked out for me. Most importantly (and I am not boasting here), being in the top 2-3 scorers in class helped shield me from some of the vicious bullying I have ever seen. Whoever said kids cannot be evil/vile was not from my school for sure.

While I got through school (and later, college) relatively unscathed, it did leave a deep impact on my psyche. I mastered the “art” of withdrawing into myself while being a part of a crowd. I could sit in a group of friends, laugh along and yet not remember a word of what they were saying afterward, because I was never really “present there”. Introversion was not even second nature to me, it became my default personality. Till this date, I do not know how I went through those years, and I do not remember much about those days. Even today, I sometimes hesitate to approach strangers in new places because the person that I left behind years ago makes his presence felt occasionally. The mirror was never my friend, used only to check if my hair was not too dishevelled and the camera was something I faced only to get pictures clicked for sticking onto application forms. I did not hate my body, I just did not like the way I looked. I felt incomplete, like a “defective piece” as one of the nicknames in school went. I didn’t look for ways to improve physically, because I didn’t feel I could.

Thankfully, though I always felt that I could not get better in terms of looks, it was never to the extent of feeling that I should not or that I did not deserve to. I have to thank the ever-present store of optimism that I have been blessed with and which I can dip into for a refill whenever needed. What I really needed was a healthy dose of “I have had enough, now I want to create a better version of myself”. This happened in 2005-06 when I left my first job and enrolled for a post-grad diploma. Being the second oldest student and being nudged ahead everywhere by my fellow classmates put me in situations where I had to interact with the professors, convince them of ideas for projects, and occasionally even convince my groupmates about the ideas the professors put forth. Though this was unknown territory for me, I decided to use necessity as a launchpad for self-betterment. It meant a lot of pain in the initial days. Anyone who has been an introvert will know of the pain involved in getting out of the shell. I had my initial fiascos and setbacks, but it was more than worth it. I am still not perfect, but I am so much better than what I was back then. From being the guy who spoke less than 500 words a day, I can yap non-stop if given a chance and an audience. I can also arrange for my own topics to talk about if you don’t have any in mind. 😛

In all this journey, my most important achievement was facing myself in the mirror and not turning away. Contrary to what one might think, there was no overnight change or a sudden epiphany that made this happen. This was made possible by years of effort, caring by loved ones, and even indifference by those around who showed me that how I looked did not matter in how they dealt with me. In a paradoxical way. their “not looking” at me helped me “look better at myself”. What also helped was the availability of smartphones around the time this was happening. I honestly don’t know how I could have managed this if it meant clicking pictures with film cameras and the process that followed it. A monthly trip to the photo studio would have been in order then, I suppose. 😀

Though I grew increasingly comfortable with the camera in the past decade, “one selfie every day” is something that has been happening regularly over the past 6-7 years. I click dozens of selfies every day, delete all but a couple, and send it to a few close friends who I trust to be uncomplaining guinea pics (that isn’t a typo, it is just my punny side). These are the people from whom I willingly accept both bouquets and brickbats, suggestions for new angles, lighting conditions etc. Most importantly, these are the ones with whom I can be vulnerable. That is one side of me which I have nurtured to what it is, almost like a parent would nurture a sick baby to health. That side is only for those whom I really trust to understand me.

So, am I completely comfortable with myself today? With the way I look? Of course not, but I no longer flinch at what I see in the mirror or in the picture. Most of the time, I like what I see. On some days, I absolutely love what I see. That, in a nutshell, is what the selfie-clicking is all about. Learning to love myself and accept myself with all things good and otherwise, a tiny bit more with every passing day. That selfie is my agreement of self-love that I renew every day, without worrying if someone else wants to be a signatory or not.

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Don’t you feel lonely at times?

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Hope, Life, Loneliness, Musings, Optimism

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After a long time, I come back to the keyboard – not for punching out code or laying out project schedules, but for speaking about what goes on in my mind. What brings me here is the title of this post. This was a question put to me by a friend, who asked me to ponder over it. And ponder, I did. What follows is the result of that pondering.

There is no easy answer to this. So I will start with a “one word answer” and then try to explain it further. If you find me jumping from one topic to another, please blame my rusty brain (or lack of it, if you so feel). 😀 Coming to the point, to answer this in one word – yes. I do feel lonely. Sometimes I feel lonely at times when one is expected to feel lonely, sometimes I feel so at times when one is not. I have not deeply observed when (and why) I feel lonely though, because it makes the blues even darker. Instead, I just lie back and let the feeling pass. Thankfully, I have been blessed with an unrelenting optimism that has helped me the clear out the blues soon enough.

Funnily, I feel more lonely in a crowd than when I am alone. And it is not just because of a “everyone has someone to be with, and I am all alone” feeling. There can be many reasons why this happens (and I admit I don’t know most of those). It is just that I feel it would have been great to not “feel” lonely. Contrary to what one might be thinking by now, my feeling lonely has got little to do with my being alone. Do I feel lonely because of the lack of a partner or because I don’t have enough to keep myself (read: my overactive brain) occupied? No. Sometimes, I do, but mostly, I don’t. Mostly, it is a feeling whose reason and origin are something I have not yet figured out fully. Someday, I hope to.

Also, I believe that no matter how many people you have in your life, you are bound to feel lonely at times. I have read articles saying how having more people in your life means increased chances of loneliness (the logic being that you form less number of deeper relations and more number of shallow ones). Though there is some relevance in  that statement, it is not completely true. I do believe though that having people (who really matter to you) around helps you feel less lonely. People also say that we usually feel more lonely as we grow older. I don’t think so. I feel less lonely today than I felt a decade ago, and the circumstances today are not vastly different than those back then.

I must also say that I have not yet fully figured out the solution to feeling lonely (since I have not figured out the origin first). It might be a person, it might be a purpose or a goal in life. It would be fun (or chaos) if it was both. 😀 Over the past couple of years, I have moved from the “seeking a person/companion” approach to fight loneliness to the “finding a purpose, and letting life take care of the person thing” approach. Will I ever be able to find the answer to this question that has puzzled me for long? I do not know yet, but I remain hopeful. Like always, I believe in hoping for the best (the eternal optimist that I am) and being prepared for the worst (something which life has taught me).

In summation, one thing is fairly clear. Whether I manage to not feel lonely or it keeps visiting me every now and then, it is going to be a fun ride on the roller coaster of the mind. And I know that the crests will be followed by the troughs. I will try to make sure that the crests make me more happy than than the troughs make me sad. That gives me another mind worm – about the reach to the final destination. But that will have to wait for another post.

P.S.: If your brain is topsy-turvy after reading this, I really do not blame you. It is not easy even for me to figure myself out. You stand little chance. 😛

Connections!

27 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by in Hope, Life, Looking back, Musings, Optimism

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The seed of this post was sowed when a friend asked me to write something random on a piece of paper so that she could analyse my handwriting. The first couple of paragraphs are from what I wrote then. Now, whenever someone tells me to write about anything at random, the first thing that comes to my mind is what people call by various names like relationships, friendships etc. I prefer to call them “human connections” because that’s what they really are. Depending on the situation/setup in which these connections are formed, we formalise them using various names. In the end though, it is just one human connecting (or in some cases, not) to another.

Humans are incredibly complex creatures (yes, even those who look monotonous and boring on the surface) with innumerable facets to them. I believe that when two individuals connect, these facets resonate or conflict with each other. This leads to people getting attracted to (not necessarily in the romantic sense) or repelled by each other. What follows is a complex (and hence interesting) mix of emotions (consciously or subconsciously), which then lead to actions and reactions, sparks (or lack or them). Having grown up as an introvert and having spent the better part of my life in the background in any social gathering, I have always loved reading people like one would read books. Hence, seeing two people interact is like reading two books at the same time, with the story of one affecting, and quite possibly changing that of the other. For a people-reader, that is nothing less than watching a journey where the path changes as the travellers walk it. This makes it really fascinating. What makes it even more fascinating (and more intensely affecting) is when you are not just the observer, but also one of the travellers.

When you switch from being an observer to being a traveller, or as in my case, being both, it becomes more fun, or troublesome, depending on how it goes. In either case, it does teach you a lot, no matter how it goes. All you really need to do is to keep your mind and heart open. Yes, you do also need to keep your eyes open, as I have learnt over the years. As I mentioned above, I was largely an introvert growing up, someone you can call a “late bloomer”. So ever since I “bloomed” (no innuendo intended), I have been compensating for both the lack of talking (much to the chagrin of those around me) and not having too many social contacts by wanting more people as a part of my life in various respects, as friends, colleagues or even just acquaintances. Out of these, friends are the ones I hold closest because of three reasons. Firstly, they are connections one generally makes consciously as a choice, as opposed to relatives where you have no choice or acquaintances whom you keep at a safe, socially acceptable distance. Secondly, when they happen without you knowing how, they are even more wonderful. Lastly, they are the ones whose actions affect you the most, whether it is making you happy, sad, crazy or plain frustrated (when they are being asses).

Due to this, maintaining my friendships became a big priority for me, and it still is. For this, I had to transform myself from the introvert that I was to an ambivert (I don’t think I have become an extrovert yet) that I am today. This has also helped me greatly, in the sense that I have become a lot less judgemental than I was a couple of decades ago, and a lot more accepting of people when they messed up or did something I didn’t like. This was also because I understood that no matter how good people are, they will invariably make mistakes, and should not be blacklisted because of them. Unfortunately, this also meant that some people in my life got to be more of a priority than they deserved (as I eventually learned). I knew that not everyone in your life can/should be a priority, especially when making them a priority meant compromising on your interests/self-respect. But yes, I did give some people the benefit of doubt (paraphrasing Casablanca – “Do it again Sam, for old times’ sake”), which they eventually exhausted. So, slowly and steadily, I have started keeping them out of sight (and hence, out of mind). The funny thing here is that I know that it’s the right thing to do. But with the kind of person I am, it’s not an easy thing to do. Especially when you have to do it because the connection you had with that person simply withered off because the other person did not invest much into it, or maybe even I didn’t do my part. In either case, it’s not a happy thing to happen for me. It does make me feel a bit sad.

But like most things in life, you live, you learn. Whatever happens, leaves you feeling sad, but eventually does turn out to be for the best. So, no regrets. Just because some connections died, I am not going to stop investing in new ones (except romantic ones – I’m not in the space for that right now, but talking about that needs a separate post altogether). There might be a dark, gloomy night once in a while, but I am going to make sure that I face the sun with a smile when the dawn arrives. 🙂

P.S.: This post was intended only to empty my mind and not to make any sense. Really. So, please don’t try to find it. If you do find any, it is your lucky day. Go buy a lottery ticket, or pick up the phone and dial the number that you have been wanting to but shying away from. 🙂

You!

16 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Musings

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You are amazing. I know that “amazing” is a terribly generic and totally inadequate word to describe someone so unique, so real. In all that they are, in all that they feel, and in (almost) all that they do. I know that you are feeling tempted now to jump up, stop me right here and say that I’m wrong, mistaken, too kind or even crazy. But hold on, and read on.

I’m not saying that you are perfect. The plain fact is that you never were perfect, and you never will be. Ever. THAT is what makes you, for the lack of a better word, absobloodylutely awesome. If you were perfect, you’d be just a piece of machinery rolling off an assembly line, one among millions, made to a design which someone thought everyone should conform to. You’d be no more than a gadget, going through a life cycle from creation to disposal, based on someone else’s will. But you are not that, you’re imperfect. You’re made up of as many flaws and imperfections as you are of many adornments. That’s what makes you so real, so true and so you. I could quote a popular web series here and say “Tu beer hai b*******”, but the fact is, you are not beer. You are not beer, which excites, fizzles full of joy and then blows off to settle into a lame lager with time. You’re more like wine, which starts off as a mash of grapes, immature and commonplace, but over the years, matures into a rich, soothing mix of textures and flavours.

This is not to say that you have it all sorted out or are sailing through life. To use a cricketing analogy, life has dealt you a googly at times, a yorker at others and a sharp, nose-bleeding bouncer at yet others. You have been tricked, fallen down and hit by what you have faced. What matters though is that you have managed to go through all that, waited to catch your breath, wipe the sweat off your brow and the blood off your lips. And you have stood up back again to face the next ball that life throws at you. You’re still figuring out life in many areas, but I have no doubt you will do it some day. Maybe not immediately, maybe not at the pace you want, but you definitely will.

I know you wonder if you could have done better in the life that has passed you by. To be honest, you could have lived it differently, but then, you wouldn’t be you. You’re not a piece of coal which was born to burn away in a furnace, turn to ashes and blow away with the wind. You were meant to be subjected to immense pressure and heat and come out as a diamond. An uncut one, yes. A rough one, yes. But a diamond, an invaluable one nevertheless. Life is making you into a diamond and will continue to do so. Cut yourself into the shape that you want, the one you know you deserve. It will hurt, but it will also dazzle those who have taken you to be just another stone. Let them see the power of you! 🙂

Geet gaata hoon main…

10 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Love, Optimism, Sharing

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“Bhaag jaate hai log…” would be an appropriate continuation of the title when it comes to me. 😛 That is how enthusiastic (read: bad voice coupled with strong desire to sing) I am when it comes to singing. Jokes apart, breaking out into song (even if it is just humming) is something that I frequently do – more so when I am travelling and listening to music. Singing along becomes almost involuntary reflex at times like these. 🙂

However, what I am writing about today is not the singing that I do for myself, but the one that I do for others. More accurately, the songs that I sing for people whom I adore/like/love/cherish. These are the people who I know will not run away when I demonstrate my vocal talent (even if they want to). 😀 These people (and hence, the songs) are special to me. They are close to my heart and every single one of them means something to me. I am now going to talk about one such song. No, I won’t name the person. Once this post is published, that person will know. 🙂

You might think that I will be talking about a song that has a romantic memory associated with it. In that case, your guess is wrong. The song that comes immediately to my mind is one that I sing for a person (let us call the person “JG”) who is close to my heart. I have only known JG for less than 2 years now, but it already feels like forever. Oh..the song…yes…the song is “Aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu” from the movie “Door Gagan ki Chaanv Mein”. You can listen to the song here, while I speak about why this song is special to me.

To me, this song speaks not just of love, but also of hope, optimism and above all, the kind of bond that can only exist between two souls who truly understand each other. The bond need not carry a label, for all that matters is how strong it is. The lyrics describe a world where everything is ideal and beautiful, much like John Lennon’s “Imagine”. If anyone ever sung this song for someone, you immediately know that they are wishing the best possible world for that someone, free from all the worries and troubles that this world subjects them to. A utopia of sorts, where one can just be themselves and not have to worry about getting scarred by reality. As one would imagine, this also implies a desire to protect one’s loved ones from anything that affects them negatively.

It is easy to dismiss this song as idealistic (unrealistic, even) but one cannot deny that it invariably brings a smile to your face when you hear it. It is this child-like joy and hope that we need to see us through the day and make life a tad bit easier to bear. And if it can help us smile again and look forward to the next day with renewed hope, why not? 🙂 Last but not the least, Kishore Kumar has taken this song to an entirely different level (as only he could have) without any vocal acrobatics. This is something that just takes you over and leaves you smiling – plain and simple. 🙂

I will keep writing about many such songs. For now though, I will leave you with my most favourite lines from this song: 🙂

Suraj ki pehli kiran se, aasha ka savera jaage,
Chandaa ki kiran se dhul kar, ghanghor andheraa bhaage,
Kabhi dhoop khile, kabhi chhaanv mile, lambi si dagar naa khale,
Jahan gam bhi na ho, aansu bhi na ho, bas pyaar hi pyaar pale..

Pearls of “Wisdom”

10 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Love, Musings, Optimism

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Before reading further, please look at the title of this post again. The word “wisdom” is enclosed in quotes, which means that whatever follows may not be wisdom according to you. You may partially or totally disagree with it, which is perfectly fine. This is a list of things I have learnt from life (or in some cases, life has taught me). If reading and following even one of these help you get out of a mess (or to not get into it) then the purpose of writing this has been fulfilled. If not, I don’t mind being at the receiving end of brickbats. 🙂

  1. Do not discriminate. It really couldn’t be put more simply. Just because someone is different from you in some aspect, it does not mean that you get the right to look down at them, or even consider them an aberration. It is about time that we moved away from using parameters like birth, religion, economic status etc. to decide what we should think of someone. This will only lead us to judge them (unfairly so, in many cases) which brings me to the next point.
  2. Do not judge. I know how tempting it is to put labels on people and be done with it. After all, it saves us mental effort and time which is needed to really know them. But then, pause for a moment and consider this – we wouldn’t like anyone to form an opinion about us based on what they think and not what we actually are. So why the hell should we do the same to others? Agreed that we may not have the time and energy to know someone before forming an opinion about them, but I feel it is perfectly okay to NOT have an opinion about something than to hastily form an opinion and stick to it. Try it sometime, it will do more good than harm to you, as well as those around you.
  3. Love. Yes – just a single word, which should tell you that I mean to use it as a verb than as a noun. Fall in love, fall out of love if circumstances force you to, but never run away from love. The more you run away from it, the more you are denying yourself a chance to feel “alive”. And yes, this does not include only romantic love, but platonic love as well. And while we are at it, loving someone does not only mean the desire to be with them, it also means the readiness to do whatever it takes to be with them.
  4. Invest your emotions. Anyone can invest money and/or time into something, it takes courage to invest your emotions into something or someone. Because them, you are rendering yourself vulnerable. No matter what anyone tells you, vulnerability is the greatest indicator of strength, because to me it shows that you are not afraid of exposing your innermost core to the vagaries of the world.
  5. Disinvest your emotions. This is exactly contrary to what I said above, and equally important. Just like monetary investments, emotional investments can go kaput many a times. Know when to stop investing, cut your losses, and move away. People may choose to leave you despite whatever you do to hold them back. In such cases, don’t hold them back, hold the door for them to leave, and make sure you close it tight.
  6. Believe in second chances. At times, someone whom you have shut out of your life may come back, and you may be tempted to have them back. To be honest, there are no dos and don’ts here. It is okay to give them a second chance to put right what they wronged the first time round. Go with what your instincts tell you. However, if they screw you up yet again, there shouldn’t be a third chance.
  7. Cherish those who matter. Even if someone is not a part of your life in the way you want them to be (read: if you have been “friend-zoned” or if the love of your life is the better part of someone else’s life) they still are the same person whom you loved. That they couldn’t play your desired role in your life, doesn’t mean they have no role in your life at all. Loving them was a choice you made, and if it was based on the condition that they be with you, it wasn’t really love at all. Be there for them (if and) when they need you. Of course, make sure that you are at peace with the situation first, or else you will only end up making a mess of yourself.
  8. Listen to advice, consider it, and then, throw it away. Just because anyone (that includes me) gives you advice, doesn’t mean that you are obliged to follow it. Whatever I say comes from my own beliefs and experiences, and you do not have to take it verbatim. Understand what someone is trying to say when they tell you something. See if you agree with it and then act accordingly. No one walks your path, and you don’t have to follow their map.

I realised that some of these points could be posts in themselves, but for now, I will stop here. This is enough food for thought for now. Till next time, adios! 🙂

Don’t hunch

19 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by in Hope, Life, Musings, Optimism

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Spiderman happens to be one of my favourite movies. This is not a case of typical superhero worship, but because the ‘superhero” here is not really a “superhero”. He is more a product of the circumstances that surround him, albeit extraordinary ones. But before I digress, this blog is not about Spiderman per se, this is about a line from the movie that I like a lot.

Now there are many memorable lines in this movie. Who doesn’t remember “With great power comes great responsibility” or for that matter “the one thing they love more than a hero…is to see a hero fail, fall, die trying.”? But my personal favourite remains from a small scene where Mary Jane Watson is talking to Peter outside her house. She says “You are taller than you look.”. Peter replies “I hunch” and she simply says “Don’t”. This, to me, captures a very important life lesson – don’t hunch.

One of the most common mistakes that many of us do while going through life is to underestimate ourselves or to think that we don’t have it in us to overcome certain challenges/situations. I have been particularly guilty of this, especially in my younger days when I was more introverted than a hibernating frog. We always have something or the other which acts as a limiting factor for our aspirations. “I don’t know how I will manage to lose weight”, “I wish I had the confidence to ask that girl out”, “I wish I could stand up to that bully” are all situations many of us have gone through without bothering to stand up for ourselves. We don’t really push ourselves to take that step towards fulfilling our wishes or realizing certain dreams. We always console ourselves saying that these things are “easier said than done”. However, we forget that while these things are indeed “easier said than done”, they are also “worthier done than lost”. We get so trapped in the fear (or lethargy) of our (mostly) self-imagined limitations that we never really try and enjoy the sweet pain of breaking those chains. Yes, like any chains, the breaking of these need lots of effort, which can be (very) painful. Yet, I can safely say that none of us will really complain about the pain if we were to enjoy the fruits of freedom once we have broken them.

There can be many ways to break free of our self-imposed limitations. The level of effort required will vary from person to person, depending on their own unique qualities and their circumstances. One thing remains constant though – we cannot break free until we stop underestimating ourselves. It is so easy to tell ourselves that we cannot achieve what our heart wants, so much so that many prefer living with regret of not having tried than risking failure. When I was growing up, I never thought I had it in me to ask out a girl if I liked her. Today when I look back, I realise how silly I was to not take the chances that I had. Of course there was no guarantee that these would have blossomed into something more significant, but my not acting on them only ensured that they would never blossom further. The only reason this happened was because I believed deeply that I didn’t have what would make any girl like/love me. Hence I preferred to keep my mouth shut rather than open it and make a spectacle of myself. Today, I know I was quite wrong. The plain fact is that underestimating myself has cost me a lot in life in terms of missed opportunities and chances at glory. The day I realised this was the day I truly stopped saying “I cannot do this” to any situation/challenge. Till date, this remains the best decision I ever made.

There is no mathematical formula or even any well-tested procedure to stop underestimating yourself. However, I can say this from my own experience – the day you start saying “I deserve better” is the day you stop underestimating yourself. Of course, there still remains a lot be done to reach your goals, but you have already taken the biggest step of your journey. And trust me on this, no matter who you are or where life has placed you, you always deserve better if you are willing to work towards it.

There is a lot I can say about this, but I know I would sound like a broken record, so I will only say this (at the risk of sounding like a broken record) – don’t hunch. 🙂

The change I want to see

02 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by in Dreams, Hope, Life, Musings

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“Be the change you want to see in the world”, said the man born on this very day 144 years ago. And though his has been a quite controversial life, with an equal number of devotees and detractors, what he said really hits the nail on the head. If we want something to change around us, we have to go ahead and make it happen. Nobody is going to do that for us while we indulge ourselves with armchair activism. However, before changing anything (in the world or ourselves), we ought to know first what is it that we want to change. This is exactly what I seek to do here today. And though there are many things that I would want to see changed, I am going to focus on the top three that matter most to me. Obviously, everyone will have their own top 3, and that is very welcome.

At the top of the list comes what I call “discrimination”. Now the reason I put that word in quotes is this – the dictionary defines it as unjust treatment offered to people on the basis of race/age/gender. I look at it as unfairly treating someone based on anything that does not/should not matter in the given context. It could be any of the above factors or it could be something else like that person not belonging to the same social/economic class as yours. Hence, my view of it covers reverse discrimination as well. I am equally unhappy whether the man in the car shoves away the man on the street or whether the man on the street aims a stone at the car, both operating on the simple premise that anyone who is not “one of us” is meant to be hated. I see so much of it around that I can’t describe it and not feel sad about it. To take a very simple example, in our country itself, we have this whole “classification system” based on factors like religion, caste, (and finer sub-divisions). This system is pretty elaborate, and takes so many things into account, like where you were born and brought up, what flavour of religion adorns your birth certificate, and so on. If you notice, all these criteria have something in common – these are something over which a person has little or no control at all. And yet, not only we merrily continue judging people on this basis, many of us also leave no stone unturned in propagating this system to the future generations. This discrimination is what I want to see going away. I want to see a world where we (well, at least most of us) will be wise and willing enough to value people for what they are and not judge them on the basis of where they hail from.

Up next is respect. No, I don’t want to change its meaning, or ascribe any additional meaning to it. All I want happening is to see more of it. Respect for ourselves (instead of the pride that we more frequently carry), respect for others and their being, will definitely make this world a lot easier to live in. When someone is sitting in a vehicle and a kid taps on their window, begging for alms, all I want for that person is to politely decline instead of going ballistic on them or even shooing them away like they don’t even exist. No, I don’t want you offering cash or food (unless they look famished) to them (the reasons behind these will make for a separate post), I just want you to treat them with the respect that anyone (or anything) around you deserves. Just because you are privileged enough to have a safe roof on your heads and a vehicle under your bottom, it doesn’t give you the right to treat someone less privileged like dirt. The same principle applies when we deal with people around us. Many a times, we feel that we are the only ones facing (or overcoming) difficulties in life, and by that token, are entitled to a feeling of superiority. Well, let me break it to you – you are not. Every single person on the face of this earth was given a unique set of issues that they have to deal with, struggles that they have to undergo, and challenges that they have to overcome. To make that possible, they were also given their own unique set of abilities, strengths and circumstances. Just because their abilities and achievements are somehow “inferior” to yours by some yardstick, it doesn’t give you the right to look down at them. You don’t necessarily have to be kind, just be respectful.

Last, but not least, comes love. Certainly not of the “ishq waala love” kind that we have all but commercialized around us today. The love that I speak of, and seek, is love for the life that we have been blessed with. The love that helps us to see this world and the people in it in a kinder light, not constrained by what we have been conditioned to see. This is the love that makes the above-mentioned two changes possible, and without which we have no hope of carrying out those changes. This is something much more fundamental to our existence, and doesn’t need cards to express itself, or relationships to prosper. It is quite simple really –  we have had enough of hatred and prejudice, and it has not done us any good. Now is the time to give love a chance.

I just realised that I am sounding much like Mr. Gandhi here, and I hope you haven’t dropped off to sleep. If you are awake yet, perhaps the first thing that you are going to say is that all this sounds very good in theory, but is not so easy to practice. Well, from personal experience, I can say that I have been practising this for some years now. I haven’t been perfect, and have faltered at times, but I have kept myself on the path. That will call for another post though. For now, all I will say is – if you want something around you to change, don’t wait for someone else to do it. Just do it yourself.

P.S: The last sentence above was not sponsored by Nike. 🙂

Salty icecream, sweet sunshine

28 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by in Hope, Life, Looking back, Love

≈ 1 Comment

Walking hand-in-hand, he felt a slight tug of her hand on his. Turning back, he looked into her eyes – only to see what he had been dreading since that morning. A look of resignation, tinged with fear and laced with uncertainty. “What happened?”, he asked, not really expecting an answer. She continued to look at him, almost urging him to not say anything.

“Lets sit down here for a minute. Is that okay?”, he said – pointing to a bench nearby. “Do you really think everything is okay, Bugs?” was her hesitant reply. “I know its not, but I don’t want you to get affected by it.”. She said nothing and just sat on the bench as if someone had laden a million burdens on her shoulders. He settled down next to her and just held her hands, silently, reassuringly.

For a few minutes, the only sound one could hear was of the traffic passing them by, while both just looked at each other – speaking nothing, saying a lot. When the silence got unbearable, she blurted out – “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore!!”. The suddenness of what she said took no time to hit him, yet it was a few seconds before the impact of it truly hit him. And when it did, tears welled up in his eyes. However, this is not the time for them to show up, he thought to himself as he pushed them back with sheer effort.

“I know why you said that first sentence, but I don’t believe you when you say that second one. I know very well that you do want to do this.”

“This is what scares me really. Why do you know me so well that I can’t even bloody lie to you? At least then you would be hurt less than now“

“There is nothing like more or less when it comes to pain, Bunny. And who says that you are hurting me? The situation that we are in is screwing us..fine..agreed…but we will overcome this, I am damn sure.”

“How the hell can you be so confident that it will work out? I don’t see it happening.”

“Even I don’t see it happening – we will have to make it happen. And no matter how optimistic I am, I cannot do this without you. We cannot do this without each other.”

He reached out to her and held her face in his palms, tenderly kissing her forehead. “Don’t do that. You are making it more difficult for me.”, she said.

“Really, if that is the case, why are you still holding on to my arm? Why are you not letting me go?”.

“Coz I don’t want to…I don’t want to.”

“So now you know how I am feeling…right? And you felt you could walk away just like that out of my life?”

“I was hoping I could, but I know I am wrong. I am so selfish. I can’t assure you of anything, yet I want to hold on to you.”

“You’re not selfish re…its just that life is really testing us. Do you remember about how we talked that day about having a house on the beach in our old age?”

“Hmmm…”

“We may or may not end up in that house, but does that mean we don’t even try?”

“We must try re, but I am not sure whether we will succeed”

“Neither am I…but then that is the beauty of it. If we succeed, we enjoy the destination. If we don’t, we have at least enjoyed the journey.”

“How can you be so calm? I just don’t understand that.”

“Well…firstly you don’t understand many things. Secondly, who is calm? Idhar mera band baj raha hai. Baahar se nahi dikhta to kya hua?”, he said, tapping her head lightly.

As she broke into a slight smile, he pulled her cheeks and said..”Do you like salty icecream?”

“Salty icecream??? Kuchh bhi!!!”

“Haan of course!! Itna rona dhona kar diya…icecream khaaogi to wo bhi salty ho jaayegi dekhna..”

“Nahi hogi…meethi hi hogi…tum hi dekhna. Aur haan…I am gonna eat up your coffee walnut icecream too.”

“Arey then what I am supposed to do?”

“You? You are supposed to pay for the icecream, watch me while I eat it and yes, then you are supposed to drop me home. Chalo..kaam pe lago..bahut kaam hai tumhaare liye!!”

As a bright smile returned to her lips and her eyes sparkled with a new-found happiness, they walked towards the ice-cream counter. The future was still uncertain, but love had  lived on, to witness one more day of sunshine.

Do sikke

01 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Looking back, Love

≈ Leave a comment

“Here, keep this with you”, he said, handing a coin to her.
“Whats that? Oh, a 10 rupee coin!! Where did you get one of those?”
“Actually, I got two of those. One for you and one for me.”
“I don’t think I deserve to get anything from you…not anymore!!”
“Why so?”
“…..”
“Just because things have not gone the way we wanted them to go, that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything for you…right?”.
“……” All she could do was hold on to his arm and rest on his shoulder, like a child holding on to a parent.

His fingers intertwined with hers, partly as a matter of habit, mostly as a gesture of assurance. “You don’t have to say anything…not now, not ever.”
“This isn’t fair to you…”
“Sometimes life isn’t fair…not fair at all. I gotta take what comes my way.”

Clasping the coin in her palm, he faintly kissed her fingers and said “Keep this one with you…and I will keep one with me”.
“Is this meant to be a forever-together promise? What happened to that ‘we will always be under the same moon’ dialogue of yours?”
“That was when we believed that we would always be together. Things didn’t quite turn out that way na?”
“…..”
“There will be a time when my being there, if only in your memories, will hurt you. That is something I just can’t allow to happen. If I ask you to look at the moon and remember me, the moon is never going to go away, and neither is the pain. This coin can be used and let go on its way forward.”
“And what about you? Are you gonna let your coin go, too?”
“………”

This was one question he had no answer to. He could only look in her eyes – speaking nothing, saying a lot. “I think I should leave now…“, said she as she held on to his fingers for one last time and stepped back.

Both the coins stayed tightly clasped in their palms, waiting to be let go on their way forward.