Monthly Archives: April 2013

Meri aawaaz suno…

30 Tuesday Apr 2013

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Like promised in a previous post about talking, here I am, back with a post on “listening”. 🙂 As you might have guessed by now, this is not about “hearing”, its about “listening”. Not much of a difference, you might say. Well, read on and see for yourself.

Admittedly, I am not the first person to talk about this. There are a whole lot of  resources out there – articles, essays, even books – on how to be a good listener. They will all tell you about how to pay attention to someone when they are talking, how to notice the non-verbal cues that they express, and tons of stuff like that. I like to keep things simple, though. While all that will indeed work for you, it is a lot of work digesting all that material and then putting it into practice. The way I handle it, it all boils down to one simple thing – “listen like you are the one talking”.

Now, this does not mean that you pitch in with your reactions/thoughts while the other person is talking. It only means that when you are listening, give the other person’s thoughts the same amount of importance that you would give to your own. We all have this innate desire to be heard and understood, and no one is an exception. When someone is talking to you, in effect, they are opening up a part of themselves to you, and thereby exposing themselves to being judged by you. No matter how serious or trivial the subject is, it does take some placing of trust in the listener to do that. So, when you listen, respect the trust that has been placed in you. Listening to someone is not a case study where you have to analyse a situation and pronounce a judgement. So don’t treat it like one. All the other person could want in you is someone to whom they can express their thoughts. Keep your thoughts to yourself unless asked. Basically, keep your mouth shut and mind open. 🙂

One more thing that comes to mind – do not react when you are listening. Reactions/reflexes are natural to us and if the person talking is close to us, we do react, at times impulsively. What this ends up achieving is that the other person also reacts to our reactions, and any further communication thereon is guided by a cycle of reactions and counter-reactions, not by the original thought that s/he wanted to express. I believe this defeats the entire purpose of the exercise. No matter what you think about the issue, always allow the other person to finish. This can be very difficult to do, especially if their views are contrary to yours, but it is a skill worth acquiring, trust me. 🙂 More importantly, this puts the other person in a more positive/relaxed frame of mind, which itself is half the job done.

If possible, look the person in the eye while they are talking. Let them feel that you are with them because you are genuinely interested in what they are saying, and not because you are supposed to show that you are listening. Of course, there are times when this does not apply. Looking straight at a person when they are confessing their guilt can scare or embarrass them further. Also, if they are talking about something very traumatic, they might feel as if they are being placed under a microscope. Use your best judgement and you will do fine. 🙂

Though there is lots I can say about this topic, I will wrap things up here with a small but very vital point, otherwise you will cease to listen (read, actually) further.  I believe that this world needs more of good listeners than good talkers. Anyone can talk well with some effort and dedication, but it takes lots to be someone whom people will trust to listen and not misunderstand them. Try and belong to the latter group – its a much more worthwhile place to be. 🙂

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The girl on the beach

29 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in Dreams, Life

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Close on the heels of the earlier post, comes this one about – yes, you guessed it right – yet another dream of mine. And unlike the earlier one, which was still pretty sober, this one is something which you wouldn’t expect of me. So, here comes a disclaimer – this is my dream, not the real me. 😛

It all begins in a hut near the top of a mountain. I am sitting outside the hut getting bored and looking towards the base of the mountain. There I can see a large beach on one side and a deep valley on another. I am in two minds as to where I should be going when I happen to notice a pair of binoculars lying nearby and decide to use it. Peering through the binoculars, I see a female form on the beach and nothing significant around the valley. So I opt for the beach. When I come down to the base of the mountain I am faced with a thick forest which was not present there when I had looked from above. Nevertheless, I decide to cross it – only to find that it is full of  trees and thorny bushes. Undeterred, I go on. The thorns tear my clothes to rags and I am profusely bleeding, but I still move on towards the beach, pulled by some unknown power.
When I cross the forest after what seems like an eternity, I reach the beach. There I don’t see any female but I do notice a rundown shack a few paces away. I enter the shack to find it very neat and clean, with stuff properly arranged. There is a bed and a small table beside it. I sit on the bed and instantly get a feeling of deja vu. Looking around, I notice that the drawer of the table is slightly ajar. I open it to find an envelope inside, containing a photo of me with a human form – the human form has been cut out of the picture. I put the photo back. When I am doing so,I notice that there is a blank photo frame lying around. I check it to find that there is actually a photo hidden inside it. It’s of a simple (but beautiful) girl whom I have never met before (in real life or in any of my dreams). I carry that photo with me and come out of the shack.
Wherever I can see, I can find only the sea. Now I am really desperate to find the girl in the photo. So I decide to walk in one direction, hoping that I would mange to find the female that I saw from the top of the mountain. After walking for quite some time, I happen to see a female walking some distance ahead of me. I run to her and holding her hand, turn her towards me. I am taken aback when I notice that she is faceless, except for her lips – no eyes, no ears, no features except lips. She smiles at me and says “you should not have come here”. I ask her who she is and what she means by that. She says nothing and just steps closer to me. As her scent hits me, I feel waves of intense craving engulf me. I pull her towards myself and kiss her hard. She has got luscious lips and I get totally carried away. I hold her body close to mine and though she does not seem to be responding, I am too carried away to notice. After a while, she starts responding and we proceed to make love for what seems like an eternity. At the end of it all, I am too exhausted but it feels absolutely heavenly. Then, as we are sitting close to each other, listening to the waves of the sea, I happen to look at her and see that she is no more a faceless entity, but has developed a face – the face of the girl in the photo. She smiles at me as I look at her and again says those very words – “you should not have come here”. I get confused and try to reason with her. Suddenly, a huge wave rises and falls on me. I nearly get carried away into the sea but manage to hold on. Strangely though, she remains unaffected by the impact of the wave. She again pleads with me to go away but I refuse to do so. After some time, a second wave hits me. This time though, I get pulled into the ocean. As I am being carried away underwater, I look at her – she is still smiling that same beatific smile when the scene darkens out, and I wake up.

Dream on

29 Monday Apr 2013

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I was talking to a friend yesterday, when I happened to mention that “mujhe boring dreams nahi aate”. Her response was – “Aisa kya interesting aata hai? :O”. Well, now I don’t know if its interesting or not – so the best way was to post one of those here and let everyone decide for themselves. 🙂

The period in the dream is somewhere about 8-10 years in the future. I am living on the top floor of a multi-storey building with huge glass walls through which I can enjoy the sights and sounds of the city flowing below. Something like Aamir Khan’s Sydney residence in Dil Chahta Hai; only with all glass walls. One night, I am watching the city skyline, trying to gather some sleep, albeit unsuccessfully. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. Since I am under the influence of incomplete sleep, i just ignore the sound. After what seems like ages, the knocking starts again. This time, it has a weird hypnotic rhythm to it. I am scared but something pulls me towards the door. On opening the door, I find nobody outside. Now this scares me even more. I close the door, come inside and am about to settle back into my chair when the rhythm starts again. This time, I am absolutely petrified and run towards the door in a fit of fury. Again, there’s no one outside but this time I find a straw basket lying outside my door, covered with a dirty little piece of rag.
I remove the rag, only to find a newborn baby inside the basket – with fresh blood on its body and the umbilical cord ominously dangling. Its face is contorted as if it were crying but I am unable to hear any sound. Beside the baby is placed a cellphone and piece of paper with a number on it. I pick up the phone and dial the number. At first, nobody responds. I try again, and the call is answered. A deep baritone echoes at the other end. I explain the situation to him and ask what the hell is going on. All he says is “You don’t always get what you want; but you surely get what you need”. Saying so, he disconnects the line. I call repeatedly, only to get no answer. Now, in the darkness of the night, I am left with the baby, about whom I know nothing. I pick up the baby, wondering what to do next. Suddenly, it touches my face and lets out the most blood-curdling scream I ever heard (in a dream or otherwise). Surprisingly, instead of being terrified by the turn of events, tears start flowing from eyes and I start sobbing. This is where the dream ends, leaving me wide awake.

Interestingly, whenever this dream occurs, it is always followed by major changes (mostly positive) in my life. So,I have come to look at this dream as an indicator of the future, so to say. 🙂

Happy Birthday to me :)

20 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life

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No, I am not wishing myself a happy birthday here, though it does seem like I am. This is just to sum up a wonderful day that I had yesterday. If the calendar was a clock, it would have struck 34 for me yesterday (this is for all you people who keep asking me how old/young I am) and rang an alarm asking me to check my relationship status (this is for all the people who keep asking me about how long it was before I decide to make someone’s life miserable :P). Contrary to what some (actually many) people would have me believe, I have been enjoying my birthday even more as the years pass by. Every year, just when I think that this one is going to be a fairly standard, routine affair, life blesses me with some moments that make the day memorable. This year was no exception either. To know how, read on.

It all started at the stroke of midnight (actually a couple of minutes before) when the calendar crossed over from 18th to 19th. A friend (and a fellow genius – you know who you are. :P) who is known to doze off during conversations, and that too much before midnight called to wish me. It always feels awesome to have someone wish you at that exact minute, so it definitely means a lot. 🙂 Minutes afterwards, my best friend Aru came up with this, which truly made my day. I had tears (of joy of course) in my eyes.

The D-day started off with some awesome puranpoli made by mom. It was spent mostly at office, being the center of attraction (my one day of stardom…bliss!! :D) and evading questions about age, treats and marriage, mostly in that order. Yes – work got done, too. NOW you can safely call me a workaholic, I guess. 🙂 Oh yeah, one more rare thing happened – when I left office in the evening, the sky was actually bright with sunlight, and not the stars as it normally is. 😛 On reaching home, there were 2 cakes waiting for me – one bought by dad and one sent over by Aru. Lo and behold – they turned out to be IDENTICAL. 😀 That was a fun thing to see (and eat).

No, I am not done yet. While all this was happening in the real world, the virtual world also showered its share of love and blessings on me. People whom I had not even known until a year back wished me on Twitter/Facebook without needing to be reminded (In all modesty, I am not someone who pimps my own birthday – I prefer to let people remember) at all. Thanks a ton, all you beautiful people. You added that extra dash of sunshine to the day. 🙂

So, all in all, it was a great day – one that I will remember for a long time. And if you think that nothing spectacular happened (like parties, celebrations etc.), let me tell you, all that will indeed follow – the fun has just begun. 🙂

P.S.: There were a few people who forgot to wish me, despite remembering it till a couple of days before. They are going to get their legs pulled like anything. like I said above, the fun has only begun. 😛

Happy Birthday Sam!!

19 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by in Musings

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No, I am not wishing myself a happy waala birthday here, if that is what you thought after reading the post title. This is a post written by my best friend Arundhati (or Aru as I call her). Unlike otherwise, I am not gonna talk much, and let her words do the talking! 🙂

HBTY Sam

Aru..thanks a ton! Loved it. 🙂

Talk to me

17 Wednesday Apr 2013

Posted by in Life, Musings, Sharing

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,

One good thing that has started happening since I have started writing a post every day is that the reactions to a post typically provide me with the idea for the next day’s post. That way, I don’t have to tax my brains too much for the next dose of inspiration. Following this pattern, a friend and me were discussing about yesterday’s post wherein he mentioned that though I said that love can happen more than once, it was very difficult to find someone worth loving. I asked him about what he looked for when he looked for “someone to love”, so to speak. The main thing that came out of the discussion that followed was that it is not always about romantic feelings or physical companionship. What he really craved was simply having someone to share his feelings with, someone to just sit down and talk to.

Now that struck a chord with me. Not just because I love to talk, but also because I believe that one of the most important factors in any worthwhile human connection is the ability to share your thoughts, experiences, fears with the other person. And as I have observed, the most effective way to this is by – you guessed it…talking to each other. When you find someone with whom you can talk what you can’t talk with others, you’ve found the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Do your best to hold on to it. 🙂

Now, why is talking so important to us, especially when it comes to forming close connections with people around us? Forget for a moment cliches like “Man is a social animal” – the fact remains that we all have a basic need to express what we think. What follows is this is the need for an audience, but not everything we think/feel is intended to be shared with all and sundry. This is where the need for a “listener” to whom we can talk freely comes in the picture. Secondly, talking to someone, especially about something close to your heart, is an act of opening up to that person, and trusting him/her to understand you. And when you do that, you automatically form a connection with that person unlike any other. In that sense, I believe that talking your heart out to someone is more intimate a gesture than a hug or a kiss. I speak this from experience – if someone shares with you what they cannot or do not share with anyone else, consider yourself special. You mean a LOT to them. Do all that you can to deserve that privilege.

And just as talk can be used to share your feelings or to foster companionship, it can also be used as a cloak to hide your true colours or to mislead/manipulate someone. NEVER do that to anyone – you will only end up generating a lot of bad blood in the end. Broken trust is the most difficult thing to repair. If you feel that someone is doing it to you, the simplest way out is to take your time to trust people. No one is going to judge you for taking a while to trust people, as long as you trust the right lot. 🙂

For talking to be worthwhile, what matters the most is “listening” (not “hearing”). You need to be a good listener, if you seek the privilege of having someone to talk to. However, I will keep that for another post. For now, I will wrap up things here with a line I read somewhere, and which sums up my thoughts on this very effectively – “When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said”.

Does love happen only once?

15 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in Life, Looking back, Love, Musings

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So…quite a difficult question in the title up there, right? And supposedly, one with no simple answer, right? Well…no and yes respectively, if you ask me. The question is really simple, the answer not quite so. Does Cupid behave like lightning and refuse to strike at the same place twice? Or does he believe in second chances? Like all good questions, this one too doesn’t have a definitive answer, and I only have my experiences and observations (not to mention, beliefs) to fall back on.

Let me keep things simple here. If you ask me if love can happen twice, my answer would be a resounding YES. No round about answers there, just a simple, uncomplicated yes. Okay, so if someone falls in love the second time, doesn’t that mean that s/he wasn’t really in love the first time round? Or even worse, isn’t s/he just a fickle-minded person who jumps from one romantic interest to another with little hesitation? Since I have been asked (and answered) these questions many times before (this doesn’t imply that I have been in that situation many times :P), here is what I always say to these questions.

Firstly, we need to stop treating love like a non-renewable energy resource, which cannot be replenished once depleted. The way I see it, love is more of a verb than a noun, a promise than a feeling. Loving someone is not (just) something that happens instinctively, its a conscious promise that you make to yourself and that person. Of course, you may or may not be able to fulfill that promise depending on the circumstances, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it is basically something you do, and not something that happens to you out of the blue. And by that definition, you can indeed commit yourself to another person, though obviously not at the same time – that would just make you a desperado in my books ;).

Consider this – why do we think that we will not be able to love someone else? or for that matter, no one is able to love more than once? Why do we feel that the so-called “true love” happens only once? I feel it is because we carry around the remnants of the first love for too long with us. Agreed, it was wonderful to be in love with someone, and to have shared dreams of sharing the sunset of life with that person. But if circumstances have taken that person out of your life – it is indeed for a reason. It need not be anyone’s fault – it could simply be that despite of all that was, you two just weren’t meant to be. And if you keep carrying the burden of the past with you, you are neither going to enjoy the present, nor going to be able to create the future. To create a new dawn, you have to leave the old dusk behind. For the tree to flourish, the seed has to be buried. It might sound (and be) painful to do so, but if it has to be done, it has to be done. 🙂

On a lighter note, consider the mathematical proof (invented by yours truly) of how love can happen more than once. In fact, it can happen at least 300 times. Surprised? This is how it works: The world population is about 7 billion. For the sake of even figures, assume it to be 6 billion. Out of these 6 billion, let only 10% belong to your age group (the “eligible” candidates for a romantic interest). This comes to about 600 million. Considering that you are only interested in the opposite gender, this halves down to 300 million. Now, even assuming that your so-called “the one” is one in a million person, the best ever, and all that jazz, there are 300 people who fit this definition. So, even if you haven’t struck gold the first time, there are still 299 more arrows in your quiver. Now doesn’t THAT sound good? 😛

Well, mathematical proofs aside, one thing is irrefutable – love can indeed happen twice, provided you open your heart to it. Sinking its head in the sand did no good for the ostrich, and it won’t do any good for you either. So if you haven’t found your rainbow the first time round, don’t worry – there will still be many monsoons coming your way. 🙂

Return to innocence

14 Sunday Apr 2013

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One of the immediate reactions to yesterday’s post (just as I had expected) was from my one of my friends – “Abey, tu abhi tak bada nahi hua kya?” (Haven’t you grown up yet, man?). To which, my reply was – “Bada ho gaya, boodha nahi hua!!” (I have grown up, not grown old). While that repartee was enough to shut him up, it did leave me thinking. Why this bias against staying young in the mind? Physically everyone wants to stay on the right side of 30, though. Why do we place so much of a premium on “growing up” that displaying your inner child seems almost like a stigma?

Admittedly, this is a question I don’t have the answer to. Neither am I going to attempt answering that today. What I do have, however, is a firm belief that if you are not keeping your inner child alive and happy, you are doing life wrong. I have taken great pains to make that happen, and I can totally understand when you say that it is easier said than done. When life seems intent on serving you with disappointment in frequent doses, holding on to those nuggets of sunshine can be quite a task. But then, nothing worth having in life ever came easy. So, if your inner kid is still sporting a smile on his face, you’ve done great. 🙂 Keep doing whatever it is that you have done so far. And if he has a frown on his face (or worse, if you can’t seem to find him), let me tell you my way of making him smile. It may or may not work for you, but no harm in trying, I think.

First and foremost, stop caring for what the world would say/think. The moment you start worrying about what someone else would think of your actions, you’ve already started playing your game by their rules. And let me tell you this, it just doesn’t work that way. If its your life being played out, its your rules that have to be followed – as simple as that. Figure out what is most important to you, focus on that and your actions will follow suit. You will indeed need to step on a few toes while doing this, but as long as you are not doing anything devious or evil, you should be fine. This is the MOST difficult first step you will have ever taken, but the payoff is totally worth it. Now, if you are wondering how does that relate to your inner child, go and observe a child. Notice how their first priority always seems to be to keep themselves happy. They may shower their love on you, but will never put themselves in too much trouble, unless really required. This self-centered innocence is what we had as kids. When we “grew up”, we either “developed” it into an excessively self-sacrificing attitude or replaced it with an uncompromising “my way or the highway” stance. Neither of these really helped us, right? 🙂

Secondly, as a result of #1 above, there will be times you will feel that you are doing something wrong. Its quite natural to feel so, especially when your near and dear ones might be affected by some of the things that you end up doing. At times like these, ask yourself this very simple question – if you do what the world wants you to do, and end up being a sad, unhappy person, who (apart from yourself) will be affected the most? Yes – you got that right. A little bit of hurt is always necessary for growth. Trust me – if are honest with yourself and with them, the ones who really matter will still be standing there for you when you win over life at your own terms. The most important thing is to believe in what you are aiming for.

Lastly, and most importantly, NEVER EVER give up on yourself or that kid whom you are doing all this for. No matter how well (or not) you are doing in life, you always deserve a lot better. That is not going to happen all by itself. It will need sweat, blood, and often tears too before you finally taste the flourish of happiness. That is a heady mix – the feeling of having played the game by your own rules, and winning it. Don’t get cynical, don’t feel dejected. Whenever you feel the darkness of the night in your heart, remember that dawn is just a moment away. 🙂 You might get branded as foolish or too optimistic (I have been called that many a times), but then, hang on to that innocent, hopeful child who tells you that all will be well. 🙂

Life may have turned you into a disbeliever and you may have been intoxicated by the dark flavours of cynicism, but believe me – innocence is far more intoxicating. You only have to experience it once, and you will be hooked.

Normally, I like to end my posts with a flourish, a self-quote, so to say. This time though, Enigma have made the job easier for me. I couldn’t have said it better.

Follow just your own way, follow just your own way,
Don’t give up, don’t give up,
To return, to return to innocence…

Never too old

13 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Musings, Optimism

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Those who know me well, know how much I love the monsoons. From watching the rains from my window, to hanging my feet outside the window to wet them, to even (gasp!) jumping in the puddles – I have done (and continue to do) it all. For those who have known me for a while, and thus given up all hopes of me ever acting my age, this comes as no surprise at all. 😛 For those who have come to know me recently, it is quite a shocker to imagine someone my age (and size) jumping merrily in a puddle of water, splashing it all around. “You will be <insert any number between 30 and 40> soon, and you still jump around in the rains?? WTH!!” is the most common (and most amusing) reaction I get. My reaction to this – if you don’t know or experience the pure joy that monsoons can bring to you, you are way older than me already – in the mind, that is.

But then, this post is not about the monsoons, neither is it about my age (chronological or otherwise). It is about how we are supposed to stop behaving like a child once we can’t see the birthday cake due to all the candles. Okay, so not being childish is indeed the right thing to do, but why do we have to stop being child-like? No matter what the world says, this is something I plainly refuse to follow. And there is a big difference between being childish and being child-like. If you hold on to your grudges/opinions above everything else, you are being childish. If you still break into a smile when you see a rainbow or even a plane zooming across the sky and stretch your hands to catch it, you are child-like, and hence, my friend. 😀

Have you ever observed a child at play? When something irritates it, it will make its displeasure loud and clear by testing your ear-drums, or at the very least, your patience. But once the problem goes away, they will be back to being little angels, all the earlier brouhaha being conveniently forgotten. Does this mean that they never meant the earlier display of histrionics? Oh yes, they definitely did. Just that once their grievance was addressed, they knew how to get back to the business of enjoying life as if it is the wonderful thing they ever possessed. It is this attitude of “jo ho gaya, wo jaane do” that we lose somewhere while “growing up”. We grow more conscious of what we are “supposed to do” as against what we “want to do”. More and more of our actions are dictated by what others will make of them, instead of what we want to make of them. And then we grow disillusioned with the world, and start cribbing about how we are unhappy/dissatisfied/bored etc. But have we paused for a moment and thought to ourselves – Hey, why am I cribbing about something, when it was my choice to not follow my own instinct on this one?

Agreed that following our own instinct may not always be the easier thing to do. At times, it will simply be impossible to do, no matter how earnestly you try. At such times, don’t think that you chose the wrong course of action. It was just that things were not in your favour, and it simply means that its not your time yet. It will soon be, sure as daylight after night. 🙂 All that is fine and dandy, you may say, but what to actually “do” in such a situation? Once again, I will point you to that little child. Observe what they do after you’ve firmly denied them what they want. They will surely sulk for a while, but leave them alone for some time, and they will be back to what they do best. They will not bother about the world outside and start being happy with themselves. When we seek those moments of being child-like in our grown-up, routine life, THAT is what we should be doing – creating our own little wonderlands where our inner child can prosper. 🙂

So, the next time you see a plane flying overhead, reach out to it – I am sure you will be able to catch it. 🙂

P.S: Oh, and if you see a puddle, go jump right in. It IS awesome fun. 😀

Travel light!!

13 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Musings

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Some days back, I was talking to my mom about something. Yes, contrary to what many of my friends think, I don’t spend all my waking hours in office. 😉 Invariably, the conversation veered towards our relatives. They are indeed so much in number that they tend to pop up everywhere, even in our conversations. 😀 That was when my mom told me that so-and-so uncles were not on talking terms with so-and-so aunt and my reaction was “Weren’t they like peas in a pod the last time we talked about them?”, last time being barely a year back. My mom’s reply – “Yeah, they had some showdown about <insert random trivial issue here> and they are not talking to each other now”. And I was like…shouldn’t they know better than that? Especially at their age, when my generation looks at them as role models (sort of). Isn’t age supposed to make you humble, wise and all good things like that? But then again, maturity is not a guaranteed byproduct of age, is it? So, rather than blaming the elders, why not look at the real issue?
And it is this – not everyone knows how to (or is willing to) let go of grudges, resentments and all other negative emotions that tie us down. We often carry all these along with us, weighing down on our heart, and our very being. We do realise that we are not doing the right thing here, yet continue to do it. Why? I feel it is because of two reasons (there may be many, but these two immediately come to mind). One, holding a grudge against someone/something makes us feel like we are the aggrieved party, the one who has been unfairly treated. This, we believe, gives us the right to place ourselves at a higher moral ground against the “aggressor”. “If I have been unfairly treated, doesn’t that automatically mean that I was doing the right thing and the other person was wrong in what he did?” is how we reason this out with ourselves. Secondly, we assume that if we have been wronged against, we have been put in an uncomfortable position, and yet we have managed to “survive it”. Hence, we have some superpower that allows us to treat others like mere mortals who have done nothing but create problems for us. We talk proudly about how someone did their best to trouble/use/manipulate us and we did not fall prey to their machinations. What we fail to realise is that when we keep talking about the long-lost grudges, we show that we are still carrying them with us, on our heart, our mind. Yes – we achieved a lot inspite of all that we faced, but wouldn’t we have achieved much more if we had just let go of all that held us down for so long, and soared into the sky, much lighter, much more hopeful?
I believe life is like a journey, and grudges (and other assorted negative emotions) are nothing but useless baggage that slows you down. The longer you travel, the more baggage you pick up, and hence, the more you need to discard if you want to keep moving ahead. Else you are just going to slow down, and stangnate at the end of it all. Trust me on this – every single person in your life is going to hurt you at some point or other, knowingly or unknowingly. Does this mean that you keep that hurt boiling on a cauldron all life long? If the answer is even remotely close to yes, remind yourself of all the good times with that very same person. You meant (and hopefully, still mean) a lot to them, and them to you. Why would you want to trouble yourself looking at the dark moments when there is so much sunshine to cherish? And if the person no longer means much to you (or vice versa), that is even more reason to let go of all those moments/memories that are haunting you.
Easier said than done, right? Of course, easy to say, and perhaps way more difficult to actually implement. Afterall, Teflon wasn’t around when God created the human mind. 🙂 We find it really difficult to let go, even when we know we should. Here, I can only say what works for me, and hope it works for you as well. The next time you remember a person/situation for something “bad” they did to you, and hate them for it, force yourself to remember a few “good” things that they did to you. I can bet – you will be able to come up with at least one good thing for every bad thing. And if you can’t, they never should have been a part of your life. Stop keeping them in your life by thinking on and on about them. It will seem painful in the beginning, like all detachment does. At the end of the day though, you will thank yourself for it. 🙂
So yes, life is indeed a journey. If you want to travel far and wide to the beautiful lands, let go of your excess bagagge. Travel light!! 🙂