Category Archives: Dreams

Of moments and waves

21 Sunday Jun 2015

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It was an unusual monsoon evening in the city of dreams. Not for today, the evening’s moisture-laden winds or the unruly chaos of people crowding the shore. Instead, what blew across the sands was a slightly dry, yet cool and strong breeze. The sea of humanity had somehow taken a backseat to the “real” sea. The only thing that remained unchanged was the molten orange of the setting sun, melancholic yet fulfilled, inching towards its home somewhere on the horizon. “This does not feel like the seashore I know. This seems…different.”, he spoke to himself as he let the waves brush against his trousers. It was some time before he realised that he had forgotten to take off his shoes and had effectively, messed them up. “Let it be, I needed a new pair anyway, good riddance!” was how he consoled himself.

After he had made a couple of rounds from one end of the beach to another, the shoes started growing heavier in his hands. Putting them on was out of the question as it would mean feet polished to a sore red by the sand. Reminding himself to wear floaters the next time, he decided to make a final detour to his favourite end of the beach. It was the end where the sun used to shine the brightest in the day, and the mellowest in the evening. The longer stay of the sunshine did mean extra crowds, but today that was not the case, and he felt happy about it. On a day where he needed some “me time”, this was a more than welcome occurrence.

As he slowed down for the final lap, some distance away from him, he noticed her sitting alone on the sands. She sat a bit away from the waves, far enough to keep her dry, yet close enough to feel their splash. He would have dismissed her as yet another sea-lover or lost soul if something had not caught his attention. Her eyes had something bewitchingly different about them. In his lifetime, he had seen (and gazed into) a fair share of eyes – some of them deep and inviting, some others cunning and shifty, and yet others lively and innocent. Hers were something else altogether, though he could not really tell what it was about them that had him hooked. To get a closer look, he sat a few feet away and gazed at her, pretending all the while to look around the beach. Her eyes not only reflected the liquid brightness of the setting sun, but also seemed to shine with an intensity usually found in someone who had their entire life planned and were raring to go get it. At the same time, they had a certain far away, lost quality which mellowed the intensity and made her look more inviting than intimidating. “Awesome sunset today, no? I just love it.” – he spoke out loudly to no one in particular, hoping that she will hear it and respond. She noticed, but didn’t say anything, but simply smiled at him and nodded in approval.

“I have not seen you much around here. Do you come here regularly?” – he tried to keep the conversation going. “No, I do come here regularly. You have noticed me for the first time though, haven’t you?”, she said with a slight smile. “Umm…yes. I wonder how I missed out all this while?” was all he could muster.
“Oh, it happens. We do not notice something until the time is really right. Anyway, you enjoy the sunset, I have to go.” Saying so, she stood up and turned away.
“What if I don’t want you to go?” – he blurted out without knowing how or where those words came from. The moment he said that, he wished time had an Undo option. Unfortunately, it did not, and all he could do was look at her and see how she reacted.

“Do you really want me to stay?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Sure?”
“Yes”

It felt like a entire age had passed by while they looked at each other – he in anticipation, she in what seemed to be trepidation.

“Okay! Chalo…”, saying so, she stretched out her hand.

As they walked along the beach, hand in hand, the waves brushing his feet felt cooler, the orange along the horizon, warmer.

The other seat

10 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by in Dreams, Fiction, Life, Musings

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It was a typical New Year evening – relaxing lazily yet buzzing to bring in the new year with a bang. Like every year, I was sitting in the coffee shop at “our” favourite table. And just like the past couple of years, the seat in front of me was empty. This was now a routine for me – to bring in the new year just like we used to in the past. Though she was no longer a part of my life, the new year coffee was my connection to her, like the previous chapter of a book flowing into the next one. Sometimes the coffee shop guys used to play some of our songs, which lent that extra edge to the evening.

As I sat there, enjoying my “Devil’s Own”, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a tall, strapping guy looking down at me. “Can I take a seat?” he asked, pointing to the chair in front of me. Slightly irritated, I said “No..actually I’m expecting a friend to join me. So you can’t have it. I’m sorry”, hoping to be left alone. What he said next shook me up – “You know quite well that this seat is going to be unoccupied the entire evening. Don’t you?“. “No, it will be occupied in some time now”, I lied in a stern voice, expecting that this pesky fellow would get lost at least now. He appeared unperturbed.

“Well, I know for a fact that it is going to stay vacant.”
“And how exactly do you know that?”
“Because I know the person you want to be sitting there. I am married to her.”

Now this actually left me dumbstruck, and all I could do for the next few moments was just stare at him – a mix of surprise, anger and embarrassment flushing across my face rapidly. He appeared to be quite composed, and then, he pulled a chair from another table and sat in front of me. “Don’t worry…I am not going to occupy that seat. I know what it means to you.” As he sat there, I was still deciding how to react to what was happening. Should I be angry at him for taking away someone who meant the world to me, and then calmly coming back to rub salt in the wounds which never really healed? Should I just walk away and save myself some embarrassment? Would I be justified in giving him a piece of my mind? What the hell should I really do? While all this was going on in my mind, my lips could only say “How do you know me?”. “I have seen a pic of you guys…on her phone.”, he said.

“She still has our pics on her phone?”
“She used to have. She deleted those after I happened to see them and fought with her.”
“I’m sorry you guys had a fight over the pics.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, and the fight wasn’t about the pics. Actually, it wasn’t only about the pics.”
“Hmm…I am actually surprised you recognized me.”, I attempted to change the topic.
“Well…you don’t seem to be someone who is easily forgotten.”
“I used to think so, too.”, I said as a  hint of dejection trickled into my voice.

This was the first time I noticed a certain tremor in his voice. This was not the voice of an angry man, it sounded more like a hurt one.

“Do you know why I am here today? It is not just to see you or see what kind of a person you are, but also because I know my wife doesn’t want me around at least today. Just as you are sitting here in the coffee shop, she has gone to some library.”
“The Royal Library?”
“Yes – that one.”
“…”
“I will not take much of your time. I just wanted to tell you that she is okay. And though she is with me, in her mind, she stills goes back to you at times.”
“Does that really make any difference at all?”
“As much as we both want it to not make a difference, you and I both know that it does – to all of us.“, said he, in a matter-of-fact tone.

For what seemed like a long time, none of us spoke anything. I kept staring at the Devil’s Own, while he kept his gaze on me. Finally when I couldn’t bear the silence any longer, I blurted out “Nice to meet you. I should get going now”.

“She was right. You are very uncomfortable with silence, except hers.”
“Yes, I am. Please try to make sure that she doesn’t have to remain silent for long – it suffocates her.”
“I will try my best. For good or for bad, we are together now, and I will have to win her trust. I know I have to fight a difficult battle, which I may or may not win. I will try my best though.”
“Thanks! I have to ask one more thing from you.”
“Whats that?”
“Tell her that you came here to see me, and I wasn’t here.”
“But you are indeed here, and she knows that you will be here today.”
“She has to think that I was not here, otherwise she will never be with you.”
“…”
“You are not a villain, but you don’t have to be a martyr either. Trust me, I can do a better job of it.”

As he walked away, in my heart, I knew that the next new year evening wasn’t going to be spent in this place.

Disclaimer: Though this post is written in first person, and is indeed inspired by incidents in my life, it is fictional. Thanks to my friends who called up and asked “Did this really happen?”. I will take it as a sign of your love for me (or more optimistically, an evidence of some writing skills on my part). 😉

The change I want to see

02 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by in Dreams, Hope, Life, Musings

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“Be the change you want to see in the world”, said the man born on this very day 144 years ago. And though his has been a quite controversial life, with an equal number of devotees and detractors, what he said really hits the nail on the head. If we want something to change around us, we have to go ahead and make it happen. Nobody is going to do that for us while we indulge ourselves with armchair activism. However, before changing anything (in the world or ourselves), we ought to know first what is it that we want to change. This is exactly what I seek to do here today. And though there are many things that I would want to see changed, I am going to focus on the top three that matter most to me. Obviously, everyone will have their own top 3, and that is very welcome.

At the top of the list comes what I call “discrimination”. Now the reason I put that word in quotes is this – the dictionary defines it as unjust treatment offered to people on the basis of race/age/gender. I look at it as unfairly treating someone based on anything that does not/should not matter in the given context. It could be any of the above factors or it could be something else like that person not belonging to the same social/economic class as yours. Hence, my view of it covers reverse discrimination as well. I am equally unhappy whether the man in the car shoves away the man on the street or whether the man on the street aims a stone at the car, both operating on the simple premise that anyone who is not “one of us” is meant to be hated. I see so much of it around that I can’t describe it and not feel sad about it. To take a very simple example, in our country itself, we have this whole “classification system” based on factors like religion, caste, (and finer sub-divisions). This system is pretty elaborate, and takes so many things into account, like where you were born and brought up, what flavour of religion adorns your birth certificate, and so on. If you notice, all these criteria have something in common – these are something over which a person has little or no control at all. And yet, not only we merrily continue judging people on this basis, many of us also leave no stone unturned in propagating this system to the future generations. This discrimination is what I want to see going away. I want to see a world where we (well, at least most of us) will be wise and willing enough to value people for what they are and not judge them on the basis of where they hail from.

Up next is respect. No, I don’t want to change its meaning, or ascribe any additional meaning to it. All I want happening is to see more of it. Respect for ourselves (instead of the pride that we more frequently carry), respect for others and their being, will definitely make this world a lot easier to live in. When someone is sitting in a vehicle and a kid taps on their window, begging for alms, all I want for that person is to politely decline instead of going ballistic on them or even shooing them away like they don’t even exist. No, I don’t want you offering cash or food (unless they look famished) to them (the reasons behind these will make for a separate post), I just want you to treat them with the respect that anyone (or anything) around you deserves. Just because you are privileged enough to have a safe roof on your heads and a vehicle under your bottom, it doesn’t give you the right to treat someone less privileged like dirt. The same principle applies when we deal with people around us. Many a times, we feel that we are the only ones facing (or overcoming) difficulties in life, and by that token, are entitled to a feeling of superiority. Well, let me break it to you – you are not. Every single person on the face of this earth was given a unique set of issues that they have to deal with, struggles that they have to undergo, and challenges that they have to overcome. To make that possible, they were also given their own unique set of abilities, strengths and circumstances. Just because their abilities and achievements are somehow “inferior” to yours by some yardstick, it doesn’t give you the right to look down at them. You don’t necessarily have to be kind, just be respectful.

Last, but not least, comes love. Certainly not of the “ishq waala love” kind that we have all but commercialized around us today. The love that I speak of, and seek, is love for the life that we have been blessed with. The love that helps us to see this world and the people in it in a kinder light, not constrained by what we have been conditioned to see. This is the love that makes the above-mentioned two changes possible, and without which we have no hope of carrying out those changes. This is something much more fundamental to our existence, and doesn’t need cards to express itself, or relationships to prosper. It is quite simple really –  we have had enough of hatred and prejudice, and it has not done us any good. Now is the time to give love a chance.

I just realised that I am sounding much like Mr. Gandhi here, and I hope you haven’t dropped off to sleep. If you are awake yet, perhaps the first thing that you are going to say is that all this sounds very good in theory, but is not so easy to practice. Well, from personal experience, I can say that I have been practising this for some years now. I haven’t been perfect, and have faltered at times, but I have kept myself on the path. That will call for another post though. For now, all I will say is – if you want something around you to change, don’t wait for someone else to do it. Just do it yourself.

P.S: The last sentence above was not sponsored by Nike. 🙂

Turning the pages

02 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by in Dreams, Happiness, Life, Musings, Optimism

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This is the first time EVER that I am writing a post on a topic suggested by someone else. The simple reason being that I wanted to see how well I did when I water a seed that someone else planted in my mind. This idea is courtesy Meenu who asked me to write a post about the book that I have liked/loved most and I said…why not? Let us see what we can come up with. So, in a way, this post is dedicated to her.

So, which book am I going to talk about today? I will be honest – it wasn’t an easy choice at all. Though I have never claimed to be a “voracious reader” and I work in an industry where paper is treated as an untouchable commodity, I am responsible for a fair amount of trees being cut down. Out of all the books I have read so far, each one (with a few exceptions) has been an enjoyable journey. Intriguing at times, engrossing at others. So, picking out one was easier said than done. That being said, I decided to go by gut feel. I just laid back, closed my eyes, and the very first image that flashed in my mind was the story of Santiago, a shepherd boy in search of his dream.

As many of you might have guessed by now, I am talking about The Alchemist, one of Paulo Coelho’s all-time classics. I will not go into the details of the plot of the book. You can always refer to Wikipedia for that. Neither am I going to come up with a review of the book, as I believe that a book is something to be felt, to be experienced, and not to be evaluated or reviewed. I am simply going to tell you about the impression that this tale made on me, and how it has helped me in my life. Yes, you read that right. This is one book whose theme I have been able to apply practically in my day-to-day life. 🙂

Thanks to SRK and Om Shanti Om, almost everyone is aware of the key theme of the book. “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it” is what the alchemist tells Santiago. To a large extent, this is something we all would like to believe in, and why not? Who wouldn’t want to desire something and have things fall in place auto-magically? Seems too good to be true, and it indeed is. This is something which I have found that many of us miss out on. In the ecstasy of imagining our dreams come true just like that, we forget about one more thing that Santiago was told. And I will admit – I didn’t catch it the first time either. It was only when I actually tried applying the principle in real life that I encountered it. Curious? Read on.

“Those who don’t understand their Personal Legends will fail to comprehend its teachings” is what the alchemist says to Santiago, adding that when we are young, we all know what our “Personal Legend” is. Admittedly, this sounds like high-brow management speak, until you realise it is nothing else but the basic purpose of your life – the role that you are supposed to play on this big stage. As I understand it, it is all about really focusing on what you want to achieve in life, what you want to be remembered as after you have made your exit, and then fearlessly working your way towards it. It is only after you have set foot on this journey that things start falling in place for you. If you expect to sit on your ass and expect things to fall on your lap, remember that even a beggar sitting outside the temple doesn’t enjoy that luxury. He has to reach out to people and tug at their heart strings to make them loosen their purse strings.

Coming back to myself, this book has always been a great source of inspiration to me. Whenever I feel down and out (yes people, I do feel like that at times) I simply pick it up, flip to a random page and start reading. Invariably, I find that calm is restored within some time. Two of the most important lessons that this book has taught me are – “follow your dreams” and “life listens to what you say/do and rewards you accordingly”. The first one is pretty obvious to understand and equally difficult to follow to the fullest. Fortunately, I have always been blessed with opportunities (and people) around me who have been supportive of my efforts to make my life the way I want it to be. Of course, there have been detractors too, a fair share of them. But for me, they have proved to be more of a motivator. If there is something I really love doing, it is having people tell me that I cannot do something and then proving them wrong. 😉

The second one is a bit tricky. At first, I had thought that it was all about life paying you back for your good/bad deeds, or what is popularly known as karma. Then, I realised that it was not just karma, it was also about how we accept what life bestows on us. Whatever life puts in our hands, we have to accept it with equanimity. If it gives you something which makes you happy, smile, be grateful to it and thank it. If it gives you something that makes you sad, smile, say “no worries, I hope I get a better deal next time round” and move ahead towards your dream. Trust me, life WILL pay you back what it owes you. 🙂 In my experience so far, I have found it to be the most balanced credit-debit sheet EVER. One thing that I have learnt (sometimes the hard way) is not to deny anything that life offers to you. If it offers you something that you feel you are not worthy of, you are WRONG. Life knows better. If you are getting something, it is because you deserve it, as simple as that. Don’t deny yourself the pleasure, cherish it. 🙂

This has been a long post so far, but a very satisfying one to write. Thanks Meenu, get your brain cells buzzing – if these are the kind of ideas you are going to come up with, I need more of them. 🙂

The girl on the beach

29 Monday Apr 2013

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Close on the heels of the earlier post, comes this one about – yes, you guessed it right – yet another dream of mine. And unlike the earlier one, which was still pretty sober, this one is something which you wouldn’t expect of me. So, here comes a disclaimer – this is my dream, not the real me. 😛

It all begins in a hut near the top of a mountain. I am sitting outside the hut getting bored and looking towards the base of the mountain. There I can see a large beach on one side and a deep valley on another. I am in two minds as to where I should be going when I happen to notice a pair of binoculars lying nearby and decide to use it. Peering through the binoculars, I see a female form on the beach and nothing significant around the valley. So I opt for the beach. When I come down to the base of the mountain I am faced with a thick forest which was not present there when I had looked from above. Nevertheless, I decide to cross it – only to find that it is full of  trees and thorny bushes. Undeterred, I go on. The thorns tear my clothes to rags and I am profusely bleeding, but I still move on towards the beach, pulled by some unknown power.
When I cross the forest after what seems like an eternity, I reach the beach. There I don’t see any female but I do notice a rundown shack a few paces away. I enter the shack to find it very neat and clean, with stuff properly arranged. There is a bed and a small table beside it. I sit on the bed and instantly get a feeling of deja vu. Looking around, I notice that the drawer of the table is slightly ajar. I open it to find an envelope inside, containing a photo of me with a human form – the human form has been cut out of the picture. I put the photo back. When I am doing so,I notice that there is a blank photo frame lying around. I check it to find that there is actually a photo hidden inside it. It’s of a simple (but beautiful) girl whom I have never met before (in real life or in any of my dreams). I carry that photo with me and come out of the shack.
Wherever I can see, I can find only the sea. Now I am really desperate to find the girl in the photo. So I decide to walk in one direction, hoping that I would mange to find the female that I saw from the top of the mountain. After walking for quite some time, I happen to see a female walking some distance ahead of me. I run to her and holding her hand, turn her towards me. I am taken aback when I notice that she is faceless, except for her lips – no eyes, no ears, no features except lips. She smiles at me and says “you should not have come here”. I ask her who she is and what she means by that. She says nothing and just steps closer to me. As her scent hits me, I feel waves of intense craving engulf me. I pull her towards myself and kiss her hard. She has got luscious lips and I get totally carried away. I hold her body close to mine and though she does not seem to be responding, I am too carried away to notice. After a while, she starts responding and we proceed to make love for what seems like an eternity. At the end of it all, I am too exhausted but it feels absolutely heavenly. Then, as we are sitting close to each other, listening to the waves of the sea, I happen to look at her and see that she is no more a faceless entity, but has developed a face – the face of the girl in the photo. She smiles at me as I look at her and again says those very words – “you should not have come here”. I get confused and try to reason with her. Suddenly, a huge wave rises and falls on me. I nearly get carried away into the sea but manage to hold on. Strangely though, she remains unaffected by the impact of the wave. She again pleads with me to go away but I refuse to do so. After some time, a second wave hits me. This time though, I get pulled into the ocean. As I am being carried away underwater, I look at her – she is still smiling that same beatific smile when the scene darkens out, and I wake up.

Dream on

29 Monday Apr 2013

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I was talking to a friend yesterday, when I happened to mention that “mujhe boring dreams nahi aate”. Her response was – “Aisa kya interesting aata hai? :O”. Well, now I don’t know if its interesting or not – so the best way was to post one of those here and let everyone decide for themselves. 🙂

The period in the dream is somewhere about 8-10 years in the future. I am living on the top floor of a multi-storey building with huge glass walls through which I can enjoy the sights and sounds of the city flowing below. Something like Aamir Khan’s Sydney residence in Dil Chahta Hai; only with all glass walls. One night, I am watching the city skyline, trying to gather some sleep, albeit unsuccessfully. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. Since I am under the influence of incomplete sleep, i just ignore the sound. After what seems like ages, the knocking starts again. This time, it has a weird hypnotic rhythm to it. I am scared but something pulls me towards the door. On opening the door, I find nobody outside. Now this scares me even more. I close the door, come inside and am about to settle back into my chair when the rhythm starts again. This time, I am absolutely petrified and run towards the door in a fit of fury. Again, there’s no one outside but this time I find a straw basket lying outside my door, covered with a dirty little piece of rag.
I remove the rag, only to find a newborn baby inside the basket – with fresh blood on its body and the umbilical cord ominously dangling. Its face is contorted as if it were crying but I am unable to hear any sound. Beside the baby is placed a cellphone and piece of paper with a number on it. I pick up the phone and dial the number. At first, nobody responds. I try again, and the call is answered. A deep baritone echoes at the other end. I explain the situation to him and ask what the hell is going on. All he says is “You don’t always get what you want; but you surely get what you need”. Saying so, he disconnects the line. I call repeatedly, only to get no answer. Now, in the darkness of the night, I am left with the baby, about whom I know nothing. I pick up the baby, wondering what to do next. Suddenly, it touches my face and lets out the most blood-curdling scream I ever heard (in a dream or otherwise). Surprisingly, instead of being terrified by the turn of events, tears start flowing from eyes and I start sobbing. This is where the dream ends, leaving me wide awake.

Interestingly, whenever this dream occurs, it is always followed by major changes (mostly positive) in my life. So,I have come to look at this dream as an indicator of the future, so to say. 🙂