Category Archives: Optimism

It’s swell to fail!

30 Sunday Aug 2020

Posted by in Life, Looking back, Musings, Opinions, Optimism

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It is always good to get back to writing something which is not code or emails or documentation. Though writing this did get a bit uncomfortable for me at times, I also enjoyed it. I hope I am not too rusty.

This was inspired by a Twitter thread where someone listed all the failures he had faced in his life – an anti-resume, so to say. I liked the idea. While a resume highlights all your successes and achievements, it is your failures that play a more important role in shaping your character and keeping you humble. They ensure that your feet stay on the ground and your head stays on your shoulders, and doesn’t touch the clouds. What a pain in the neck would that be. 😉

So, this is about me listing (literally) some of the failures in my life. Some will be known to those know me, some would be probably new. There might be some surprises and “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that” moments in there too. While there are things that are quantifiable failures (flunking an exam, for example), I have also included some moments in my life which made me feel like I have failed. After all, successes or failures are as much about perception as they are about hard reality. So, here we go:

  1. Aimed to score 95% PCM in my 12th board exams, but didn’t study well enough and got only 85% instead.
  2. Appeared for the IIT-JEE with very little preparation and obviously didn’t get in. The papers got leaked that year and exams were re-conducted. My preparations did not change, and neither did the end-result.
  3. Didn’t take the first semester of engineering seriously enough and failed in 4 subjects out of 8.
  4. Didn’t learn my lesson from the first semester and failed 3 out of 4 subjects of the first semester (in the ATKT exams) and 4 out of 8 of the second semester. Ended up with a grand total of 7 ATKTs out of 16 at the end of the first year.
  5. Didn’t tell my parents about the second semester results for about two weeks. I went to the college and sat in the library all day for those two weeks as I did not have the courage to tell them the truth.
  6. Spent a year at home cooped up in a single room all day. I couldn’t go out as I didn’t want to face the obvious question – “Don’t you have to go to college today?”.
  7. After getting my engineering degree, I decided to appear for the GATE exam and go for post-graduation. Again, my efforts weren’t serious enough to crack the exams, and a year went by.
  8. Started looking for a job. Submitted my CV to at least a few dozens of companies and job portals, with no response from anywhere. At least a couple of trees sacrificed their lives for my job-search.
  9. In the desperation to land a job, any job, I applied to a few call-centre jobs. Since I was an introvert who froze like an ice candy in group settings, got slaughtered in group discussions and sometimes even in one-on-one interviews.
  10. When I landed my first job, I was never really happy with the working environment, the amount of corruption and the brazen “sab chalta hai” culture. It almost killed my soul, but there was no alternative in sight. I almost resigned myself to a lifetime of crushed dreams.
  11. After I did my post-grad diploma, I started applying for jobs in IT companies. In most of them, I cleared the first couple of rounds only to get to hear “Oh but we are only looking for candidates with CS/Electronics/IT degrees”. I appeared for 23 such interviews before I landed my first job.
  12. In my third year on the job, I set my eyes on the “Employee of the Year” award. Worked my backside off to ensure my team (and I) delivered the maximum output, but ended up not getting the award.
  13. Love happened, or at least I thought it did. That dream went poof in the matter of a couple of months as I got dumped.
  14. Love happened again. Popped the question and got turned down rather dramatically. The flame was still burning within, though.
  15. Popped the question again after a couple of years, and got a “Yes” this time, only to see her parents get her married off to a guy of their choice, a year down the line.
  16. Changed my career profile (within the same company), but the experiment did not prove to be a success. Almost got chucked out of the job, only to be saved because my old team/manager welcomed me back. (#14 and #15 happened almost in parallel, because of which #14 hurt even more)
  17. Met someone through a common friend to “see if you guys like each other”. After a few months, got to hear a “yes”, which was followed by a “I need to think” and later a “no”.
  18. Somewhere over all these years, I “lost” a couple of good friends, who simply ghosted me one fine day.

That’s quite a list, isn’t it? Yet, I am sure I can find a few more if I look really hard. Fortunately, I tend to forget my failures and remember the lessons I learn from them. This has served me well so far, and I intend to keep doing so.

So, is it really all gloom and doom? Not at all! I know that’s what you would expect me to say, but it is indeed the truth. Every single one of those failures has either taught me something valuable or changed me in a way that left me better equipped for the challenges to come. A lot of what I am today is because of my upbringing and basic nature, but the list above has played a greater role in making me the guy you see today. I have learnt far more from my failures, goof-ups and blunders than I have ever learnt from my moments of glory.

More importantly, life has been kind enough to keep me afloat in many ways – either by rewarding my efforts most of the times, or by sending along the right people at the right moment. They often pushed me to make the right changes at the right time. Even when things have gone wrong, they haven’t gone wrong irreversibly. I have always had a lifeboat to sail on, and that is something I have always been grateful for, and will continue to be.

Last but not the least, I have come to believe that if not for my failures, I would never have succeeded at all. While my successes have kept me happy, my failures have kept me humble, which is how I intend to stay. Failures are natural and inevitable, necessary even. That’s why I say “It’s swell to fail”. 🙂

How so calm?

28 Tuesday May 2019

Posted by in Life, Musings, Optimism

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“How do you always seem so calm?” was what someone asked me a while ago. I could only reply that the answer was in the question itself. I usually “seem calm”. I may not necessarily “be calm” always. To paraphrase Dr. Banner/Hulk, “That’s my secret. I always appear calm.”. At the risk of sounding boastful, I can say that I’m a pro at (mostly) appearing calm even when I’m shitting bricks within. That comes from two factors – I can keep quiet for long periods of time with little or no expression on my face, which generally leads people to believe that I am at peace within. Secondly, in almost all areas of my life, I “expect things to go wrong”.

Those who know me will be surprised at the second statement. They would not expect an optimist to expect things to go wrong. Well, there is a reason why I put that phrase in quotes. When I say I expect things to go wrong, I do not mean that I worry that they will go wrong. It only means that I believe in preparing myself for a scenario where they will go wrong. Once I have done that analysis and prepared myself for a recovery (in case things do go wrong), I sit back and focus on the present again. That way, I only need to worry about the present and things that actually go kaput, and not make a nervous wreck of myself over an imagined doomsday.

So, does this principles apply to all areas of my life? Definitely. From money to people, and everything in between, I imagine what could go wrong, prepare myself for it, and then stop worrying about what could happen it things go south. If there is an important person in my life (including my parents), you can be sure I have imagined a scenario where they are no longer around (for whatever reason) and kind of toughened myself to face that situation. It is never a pleasant thing to do, given the kind of person I am, especially with people who matter to me, but it is infinitely better than losing sleep and peace of mind every night. Like I was telling my best friend today “Everyone suffers because of what happens. Why suffer over something that hasn’t even happened yet?”.

Of course, this is not something that I have been doing for a really long time. It is only in the last 5-6 years that I have learnt to do this. Like with all new ways of life, adopting it has not been easy. It has been painful at times, traumatic even. Merely accepting the fact/scenario that someone you have invested so much into (emotionally or practically) will just not be around one fine day can move you to tears, and I am not immune to that. I get shaken by that from time to time. I still do it, only because I don’t want to be uprooted if/when it actually happens. I know it will affect me, but I don’t want it to turn me inside out. What does help me is that I work in an industry where we have to expect things to go wrong and plan accordingly. That helps me get into the right mindset better than any motivational speech or book would.

By now, if you are thinking that all this preparation helps to insulate me and stay unaffected when things actually get messed up, you couldn’t be more wrong. Things have gone wrong in various areas from time to time, and I have shed more than a few tears. The reason why most of those around don’t know about it because the instances were few and far between. Also, I recovered from the impact rapidly. Things will go wrong in the future, and I will get affected, but I know that I will be in a better shape and rebound quickly as times go by.

Last but not the least – shit will keep happening. It is up to us how long we let it stink. 🙂

Don’t you feel lonely at times?

04 Thursday May 2017

Posted by in Hope, Life, Loneliness, Musings, Optimism

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After a long time, I come back to the keyboard – not for punching out code or laying out project schedules, but for speaking about what goes on in my mind. What brings me here is the title of this post. This was a question put to me by a friend, who asked me to ponder over it. And ponder, I did. What follows is the result of that pondering.

There is no easy answer to this. So I will start with a “one word answer” and then try to explain it further. If you find me jumping from one topic to another, please blame my rusty brain (or lack of it, if you so feel). 😀 Coming to the point, to answer this in one word – yes. I do feel lonely. Sometimes I feel lonely at times when one is expected to feel lonely, sometimes I feel so at times when one is not. I have not deeply observed when (and why) I feel lonely though, because it makes the blues even darker. Instead, I just lie back and let the feeling pass. Thankfully, I have been blessed with an unrelenting optimism that has helped me the clear out the blues soon enough.

Funnily, I feel more lonely in a crowd than when I am alone. And it is not just because of a “everyone has someone to be with, and I am all alone” feeling. There can be many reasons why this happens (and I admit I don’t know most of those). It is just that I feel it would have been great to not “feel” lonely. Contrary to what one might be thinking by now, my feeling lonely has got little to do with my being alone. Do I feel lonely because of the lack of a partner or because I don’t have enough to keep myself (read: my overactive brain) occupied? No. Sometimes, I do, but mostly, I don’t. Mostly, it is a feeling whose reason and origin are something I have not yet figured out fully. Someday, I hope to.

Also, I believe that no matter how many people you have in your life, you are bound to feel lonely at times. I have read articles saying how having more people in your life means increased chances of loneliness (the logic being that you form less number of deeper relations and more number of shallow ones). Though there is some relevance in  that statement, it is not completely true. I do believe though that having people (who really matter to you) around helps you feel less lonely. People also say that we usually feel more lonely as we grow older. I don’t think so. I feel less lonely today than I felt a decade ago, and the circumstances today are not vastly different than those back then.

I must also say that I have not yet fully figured out the solution to feeling lonely (since I have not figured out the origin first). It might be a person, it might be a purpose or a goal in life. It would be fun (or chaos) if it was both. 😀 Over the past couple of years, I have moved from the “seeking a person/companion” approach to fight loneliness to the “finding a purpose, and letting life take care of the person thing” approach. Will I ever be able to find the answer to this question that has puzzled me for long? I do not know yet, but I remain hopeful. Like always, I believe in hoping for the best (the eternal optimist that I am) and being prepared for the worst (something which life has taught me).

In summation, one thing is fairly clear. Whether I manage to not feel lonely or it keeps visiting me every now and then, it is going to be a fun ride on the roller coaster of the mind. And I know that the crests will be followed by the troughs. I will try to make sure that the crests make me more happy than than the troughs make me sad. That gives me another mind worm – about the reach to the final destination. But that will have to wait for another post.

P.S.: If your brain is topsy-turvy after reading this, I really do not blame you. It is not easy even for me to figure myself out. You stand little chance. 😛

Connections!

27 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by in Hope, Life, Looking back, Musings, Optimism

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The seed of this post was sowed when a friend asked me to write something random on a piece of paper so that she could analyse my handwriting. The first couple of paragraphs are from what I wrote then. Now, whenever someone tells me to write about anything at random, the first thing that comes to my mind is what people call by various names like relationships, friendships etc. I prefer to call them “human connections” because that’s what they really are. Depending on the situation/setup in which these connections are formed, we formalise them using various names. In the end though, it is just one human connecting (or in some cases, not) to another.

Humans are incredibly complex creatures (yes, even those who look monotonous and boring on the surface) with innumerable facets to them. I believe that when two individuals connect, these facets resonate or conflict with each other. This leads to people getting attracted to (not necessarily in the romantic sense) or repelled by each other. What follows is a complex (and hence interesting) mix of emotions (consciously or subconsciously), which then lead to actions and reactions, sparks (or lack or them). Having grown up as an introvert and having spent the better part of my life in the background in any social gathering, I have always loved reading people like one would read books. Hence, seeing two people interact is like reading two books at the same time, with the story of one affecting, and quite possibly changing that of the other. For a people-reader, that is nothing less than watching a journey where the path changes as the travellers walk it. This makes it really fascinating. What makes it even more fascinating (and more intensely affecting) is when you are not just the observer, but also one of the travellers.

When you switch from being an observer to being a traveller, or as in my case, being both, it becomes more fun, or troublesome, depending on how it goes. In either case, it does teach you a lot, no matter how it goes. All you really need to do is to keep your mind and heart open. Yes, you do also need to keep your eyes open, as I have learnt over the years. As I mentioned above, I was largely an introvert growing up, someone you can call a “late bloomer”. So ever since I “bloomed” (no innuendo intended), I have been compensating for both the lack of talking (much to the chagrin of those around me) and not having too many social contacts by wanting more people as a part of my life in various respects, as friends, colleagues or even just acquaintances. Out of these, friends are the ones I hold closest because of three reasons. Firstly, they are connections one generally makes consciously as a choice, as opposed to relatives where you have no choice or acquaintances whom you keep at a safe, socially acceptable distance. Secondly, when they happen without you knowing how, they are even more wonderful. Lastly, they are the ones whose actions affect you the most, whether it is making you happy, sad, crazy or plain frustrated (when they are being asses).

Due to this, maintaining my friendships became a big priority for me, and it still is. For this, I had to transform myself from the introvert that I was to an ambivert (I don’t think I have become an extrovert yet) that I am today. This has also helped me greatly, in the sense that I have become a lot less judgemental than I was a couple of decades ago, and a lot more accepting of people when they messed up or did something I didn’t like. This was also because I understood that no matter how good people are, they will invariably make mistakes, and should not be blacklisted because of them. Unfortunately, this also meant that some people in my life got to be more of a priority than they deserved (as I eventually learned). I knew that not everyone in your life can/should be a priority, especially when making them a priority meant compromising on your interests/self-respect. But yes, I did give some people the benefit of doubt (paraphrasing Casablanca – “Do it again Sam, for old times’ sake”), which they eventually exhausted. So, slowly and steadily, I have started keeping them out of sight (and hence, out of mind). The funny thing here is that I know that it’s the right thing to do. But with the kind of person I am, it’s not an easy thing to do. Especially when you have to do it because the connection you had with that person simply withered off because the other person did not invest much into it, or maybe even I didn’t do my part. In either case, it’s not a happy thing to happen for me. It does make me feel a bit sad.

But like most things in life, you live, you learn. Whatever happens, leaves you feeling sad, but eventually does turn out to be for the best. So, no regrets. Just because some connections died, I am not going to stop investing in new ones (except romantic ones – I’m not in the space for that right now, but talking about that needs a separate post altogether). There might be a dark, gloomy night once in a while, but I am going to make sure that I face the sun with a smile when the dawn arrives. 🙂

P.S.: This post was intended only to empty my mind and not to make any sense. Really. So, please don’t try to find it. If you do find any, it is your lucky day. Go buy a lottery ticket, or pick up the phone and dial the number that you have been wanting to but shying away from. 🙂

An old return. A new beginning.

26 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by in Life, Looking back, Love, Musings, Optimism

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Returning to writing after a long time has a charm, as well as a risk of its own. On one hand, the longing to get back to the realm of words tugs at your soul. On the other, you tend to remember why you had stopped coming there and grow wistful. Be it sheer laziness to hit the keyboard for reasons other than bread and butter, or the fear of your words exposing the secrets you have painstakingly kept hidden from the world, it is always a tricky business – maintaining the balance between the urge to tell and the desire to remain silent. Add to this the typical philosophical or “year in review” mode I usually find myself around this time of the year and there can either be drama or disaster – nothing in between. That said, I hope my return here today will be a fruitful one.

One of the hazards of writing after a long time is to decide what to write about and what to leave unmentioned. Typically, I would write about the year gone by or something that impacted me deeply, or even the hottest topic of the day (whatever that happens to be). This time, however, I have chosen to write about how the year gone by changed me (for good or for bad) and what I would like to see myself as in 2016. It is quite possible that this post will contain too much of “I, Me, Myself”. Please bear with me (or glide away in cyberspace, if you choose to) 🙂

2015 was a year where “The more things change, the more they remain the same” proved to be true, sometimes in a good sense, sometimes in a not so great one. While the career went (and is still going) great guns, a lot still remains to be achieved. The hunger to prove myself is strong as ever, and the fire of happy dissatisfaction which has always been my propelling force, still burns bright. I travelled to a new country (for work), met new people, saw places that I had always wanted to see, and all this totally on my own, without any company. For someone, who is more comfortable in company than in solitude, this was an interesting occurrence. While health was largely okay, there was a slight scare which was taken care of. Love/companionship was an area where life continued to tease (and taunt). While it was indeed disappointing to end the year with a single status, that is something I have learnt to take in my stride.

For all that it gave (and pushed on) to me, 2015 did manage to change me. I grew a lot quieter (I know that will come as a relief to some :D), more introspective and less likely to use my tongue before I used my brains. From being someone who used to be (mostly) emotion-driven, I learnt to hide them when needed. While internally, I am still as much of a little child as I was a year ago, I learnt to put up a more “grown up” (read: unemotional) face when faced with an unfavourable situation. What also changed was that I learnt to better read people before forming an opinion about them or trusting them. I am still not perfect, but I am much better and hopefully, this will stand me in good stead in the times to come. Last but not the least, I realised I still had the ability to make people smile, even when I wasn’t exactly smiling myself. That was something I thought I had lost along the way.

So, what did not change? The undying (and stubborn) optimism still remains. That is something I hope never changes. The ability to forgive easily still remains (though I do wish I had the ability to forget as well). The easy smile is still there, though the laughter doesn’t burst like before. The desire to do the best in everything that I undertake hasn’t dimmed, and neither has the happiness when I see my loved ones happy. 🙂 I can still wax eloquent (or philosophical as needed) for hours at end when I am in the mood. Oh, and the “quality” of my PJs still remains intact. Whether that is good news or not, depends on how much of them you are subjected to. 😀

All in all, 2015 did give me a lot (while taking away a bit) and I will be grateful to life for yet another worthy year. Looking at the way things are lined up for 2016, I am hoping for it to be a milestone year (in many aspects). Hopefully, I will be much more regular here to document it. Till then, here is to forever optimism and never say die. 2K16, here I come! 🙂

 

Geet gaata hoon main…

10 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Love, Optimism, Sharing

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“Bhaag jaate hai log…” would be an appropriate continuation of the title when it comes to me. 😛 That is how enthusiastic (read: bad voice coupled with strong desire to sing) I am when it comes to singing. Jokes apart, breaking out into song (even if it is just humming) is something that I frequently do – more so when I am travelling and listening to music. Singing along becomes almost involuntary reflex at times like these. 🙂

However, what I am writing about today is not the singing that I do for myself, but the one that I do for others. More accurately, the songs that I sing for people whom I adore/like/love/cherish. These are the people who I know will not run away when I demonstrate my vocal talent (even if they want to). 😀 These people (and hence, the songs) are special to me. They are close to my heart and every single one of them means something to me. I am now going to talk about one such song. No, I won’t name the person. Once this post is published, that person will know. 🙂

You might think that I will be talking about a song that has a romantic memory associated with it. In that case, your guess is wrong. The song that comes immediately to my mind is one that I sing for a person (let us call the person “JG”) who is close to my heart. I have only known JG for less than 2 years now, but it already feels like forever. Oh..the song…yes…the song is “Aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu” from the movie “Door Gagan ki Chaanv Mein”. You can listen to the song here, while I speak about why this song is special to me.

To me, this song speaks not just of love, but also of hope, optimism and above all, the kind of bond that can only exist between two souls who truly understand each other. The bond need not carry a label, for all that matters is how strong it is. The lyrics describe a world where everything is ideal and beautiful, much like John Lennon’s “Imagine”. If anyone ever sung this song for someone, you immediately know that they are wishing the best possible world for that someone, free from all the worries and troubles that this world subjects them to. A utopia of sorts, where one can just be themselves and not have to worry about getting scarred by reality. As one would imagine, this also implies a desire to protect one’s loved ones from anything that affects them negatively.

It is easy to dismiss this song as idealistic (unrealistic, even) but one cannot deny that it invariably brings a smile to your face when you hear it. It is this child-like joy and hope that we need to see us through the day and make life a tad bit easier to bear. And if it can help us smile again and look forward to the next day with renewed hope, why not? 🙂 Last but not the least, Kishore Kumar has taken this song to an entirely different level (as only he could have) without any vocal acrobatics. This is something that just takes you over and leaves you smiling – plain and simple. 🙂

I will keep writing about many such songs. For now though, I will leave you with my most favourite lines from this song: 🙂

Suraj ki pehli kiran se, aasha ka savera jaage,
Chandaa ki kiran se dhul kar, ghanghor andheraa bhaage,
Kabhi dhoop khile, kabhi chhaanv mile, lambi si dagar naa khale,
Jahan gam bhi na ho, aansu bhi na ho, bas pyaar hi pyaar pale..

Pearls of “Wisdom”

10 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Love, Musings, Optimism

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Before reading further, please look at the title of this post again. The word “wisdom” is enclosed in quotes, which means that whatever follows may not be wisdom according to you. You may partially or totally disagree with it, which is perfectly fine. This is a list of things I have learnt from life (or in some cases, life has taught me). If reading and following even one of these help you get out of a mess (or to not get into it) then the purpose of writing this has been fulfilled. If not, I don’t mind being at the receiving end of brickbats. 🙂

  1. Do not discriminate. It really couldn’t be put more simply. Just because someone is different from you in some aspect, it does not mean that you get the right to look down at them, or even consider them an aberration. It is about time that we moved away from using parameters like birth, religion, economic status etc. to decide what we should think of someone. This will only lead us to judge them (unfairly so, in many cases) which brings me to the next point.
  2. Do not judge. I know how tempting it is to put labels on people and be done with it. After all, it saves us mental effort and time which is needed to really know them. But then, pause for a moment and consider this – we wouldn’t like anyone to form an opinion about us based on what they think and not what we actually are. So why the hell should we do the same to others? Agreed that we may not have the time and energy to know someone before forming an opinion about them, but I feel it is perfectly okay to NOT have an opinion about something than to hastily form an opinion and stick to it. Try it sometime, it will do more good than harm to you, as well as those around you.
  3. Love. Yes – just a single word, which should tell you that I mean to use it as a verb than as a noun. Fall in love, fall out of love if circumstances force you to, but never run away from love. The more you run away from it, the more you are denying yourself a chance to feel “alive”. And yes, this does not include only romantic love, but platonic love as well. And while we are at it, loving someone does not only mean the desire to be with them, it also means the readiness to do whatever it takes to be with them.
  4. Invest your emotions. Anyone can invest money and/or time into something, it takes courage to invest your emotions into something or someone. Because them, you are rendering yourself vulnerable. No matter what anyone tells you, vulnerability is the greatest indicator of strength, because to me it shows that you are not afraid of exposing your innermost core to the vagaries of the world.
  5. Disinvest your emotions. This is exactly contrary to what I said above, and equally important. Just like monetary investments, emotional investments can go kaput many a times. Know when to stop investing, cut your losses, and move away. People may choose to leave you despite whatever you do to hold them back. In such cases, don’t hold them back, hold the door for them to leave, and make sure you close it tight.
  6. Believe in second chances. At times, someone whom you have shut out of your life may come back, and you may be tempted to have them back. To be honest, there are no dos and don’ts here. It is okay to give them a second chance to put right what they wronged the first time round. Go with what your instincts tell you. However, if they screw you up yet again, there shouldn’t be a third chance.
  7. Cherish those who matter. Even if someone is not a part of your life in the way you want them to be (read: if you have been “friend-zoned” or if the love of your life is the better part of someone else’s life) they still are the same person whom you loved. That they couldn’t play your desired role in your life, doesn’t mean they have no role in your life at all. Loving them was a choice you made, and if it was based on the condition that they be with you, it wasn’t really love at all. Be there for them (if and) when they need you. Of course, make sure that you are at peace with the situation first, or else you will only end up making a mess of yourself.
  8. Listen to advice, consider it, and then, throw it away. Just because anyone (that includes me) gives you advice, doesn’t mean that you are obliged to follow it. Whatever I say comes from my own beliefs and experiences, and you do not have to take it verbatim. Understand what someone is trying to say when they tell you something. See if you agree with it and then act accordingly. No one walks your path, and you don’t have to follow their map.

I realised that some of these points could be posts in themselves, but for now, I will stop here. This is enough food for thought for now. Till next time, adios! 🙂

Don’t hunch

19 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by in Hope, Life, Musings, Optimism

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Spiderman happens to be one of my favourite movies. This is not a case of typical superhero worship, but because the ‘superhero” here is not really a “superhero”. He is more a product of the circumstances that surround him, albeit extraordinary ones. But before I digress, this blog is not about Spiderman per se, this is about a line from the movie that I like a lot.

Now there are many memorable lines in this movie. Who doesn’t remember “With great power comes great responsibility” or for that matter “the one thing they love more than a hero…is to see a hero fail, fall, die trying.”? But my personal favourite remains from a small scene where Mary Jane Watson is talking to Peter outside her house. She says “You are taller than you look.”. Peter replies “I hunch” and she simply says “Don’t”. This, to me, captures a very important life lesson – don’t hunch.

One of the most common mistakes that many of us do while going through life is to underestimate ourselves or to think that we don’t have it in us to overcome certain challenges/situations. I have been particularly guilty of this, especially in my younger days when I was more introverted than a hibernating frog. We always have something or the other which acts as a limiting factor for our aspirations. “I don’t know how I will manage to lose weight”, “I wish I had the confidence to ask that girl out”, “I wish I could stand up to that bully” are all situations many of us have gone through without bothering to stand up for ourselves. We don’t really push ourselves to take that step towards fulfilling our wishes or realizing certain dreams. We always console ourselves saying that these things are “easier said than done”. However, we forget that while these things are indeed “easier said than done”, they are also “worthier done than lost”. We get so trapped in the fear (or lethargy) of our (mostly) self-imagined limitations that we never really try and enjoy the sweet pain of breaking those chains. Yes, like any chains, the breaking of these need lots of effort, which can be (very) painful. Yet, I can safely say that none of us will really complain about the pain if we were to enjoy the fruits of freedom once we have broken them.

There can be many ways to break free of our self-imposed limitations. The level of effort required will vary from person to person, depending on their own unique qualities and their circumstances. One thing remains constant though – we cannot break free until we stop underestimating ourselves. It is so easy to tell ourselves that we cannot achieve what our heart wants, so much so that many prefer living with regret of not having tried than risking failure. When I was growing up, I never thought I had it in me to ask out a girl if I liked her. Today when I look back, I realise how silly I was to not take the chances that I had. Of course there was no guarantee that these would have blossomed into something more significant, but my not acting on them only ensured that they would never blossom further. The only reason this happened was because I believed deeply that I didn’t have what would make any girl like/love me. Hence I preferred to keep my mouth shut rather than open it and make a spectacle of myself. Today, I know I was quite wrong. The plain fact is that underestimating myself has cost me a lot in life in terms of missed opportunities and chances at glory. The day I realised this was the day I truly stopped saying “I cannot do this” to any situation/challenge. Till date, this remains the best decision I ever made.

There is no mathematical formula or even any well-tested procedure to stop underestimating yourself. However, I can say this from my own experience – the day you start saying “I deserve better” is the day you stop underestimating yourself. Of course, there still remains a lot be done to reach your goals, but you have already taken the biggest step of your journey. And trust me on this, no matter who you are or where life has placed you, you always deserve better if you are willing to work towards it.

There is a lot I can say about this, but I know I would sound like a broken record, so I will only say this (at the risk of sounding like a broken record) – don’t hunch. 🙂

This a point meant

10 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in Life, Musings, Optimism

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This is how I used to pronounce “disappointment” in my head when I was in school. The reason I used to do this was because I had difficulty remembering how to pronounce (not spell though) long words. This technique proved quite successful for me. So, if you want to know who to blame for my usage of long words, you now know. Yes – that would still be me. 😀

Long words apart, little did I know that my fun game of using small words to remember long ones would reveal the real meaning of the longer word, especially in this case. Confused as to what am I trying to say? The dictionary defines disappointment as “sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations”. And that does seem pretty much to the point. After all, aren’t we all saddened (to differing extents) when things don’t go the way we want them to? No matter how detached we claim to be, it still pinches us when we want something and it is denied to us. But…but…there is a catch here. At least I have almost always found a catch. Yup, I’m a real-life Jonty Rhodes when it comes to finding catches. 😛

More often than not, I have found that disappointment is nothing but a challenge thrown at us. It says “Okay, so you wanted this? Anyone can get what they want and feel happy/proud. Let us see how you do when you don’t get what you want.” The challenge here is to realise that things won’t always go your way in the first go, and then either doggedly pursue your goal till you achieve it, or take a step back, smile to yourself and gracefully accept that things are not going to go your way. Perhaps better destinations await your journey, perhaps this is what you want but not need. Which path you finally walk down, will depend on you and your circumstances, but one thing remains common to both – disappointment is not always about life denying you what you deserve. Sometimes, it is simply making a point which you have missed in your hurry to end up where you want to be.

Now I agree that it is very easy to lecture someone about not getting affected by disappointment, and quite difficult to implement it yourself. Despite what I have wrote above, I do not always manage to handle disappointment well. It leaves me blue, even morose at times. The funny thing though (and I am fortunate for it to be like that) is that I’m simply unable to stay blue for long. Call it callousness or even simply not caring enough, it has worked well for me so far. What it has also thought me is this – disappointment is simply a stone thrown at you. Whether to bang your head against it, or to use it as a stepping stone to peace is totally in our hands. You can also use it to smash someone else’s head too, but in case you do that, I did not tell you to do so. 😀

How to overcome disappointment? Now that is something everyone needs to figure out for themselves. A combination of dogged optimism and positivity works well for me, but others might perceive it as unrealistic and impractical. What remains true through out though, is this – disappointment really does mean a point that life is trying to make. You would do well to pay attention to it.

3 reasons for happiness

01 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Musings, Optimism

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“3 reasons why you cannot be sad” was the topic I was originally given for this post. Then I thought to myself, why not put a positive spin on it? And thus, I arrived at the headline above. So, instead of telling you about 3 reasons why I cannot be/stay sad, I will be telling you about 3 reasons why I find happiness even in seemingly non-happy situations. 🙂 And yes, I am going to try and keep it short (as if I can really do that).

First and foremost, I love to be happy. I know you will say – who doesn’t? Well, I have seen enough people around who take pride in possessing the ability to carry a morose expression on their faces round the clock. Such individuals are “chalta phirta” black holes, which suck up all your energy and good spirits. I know how it sucks to be around such people. I also know that I trouble people enough, and don’t want to add to it. 😉 Black holes apart, I love to sport a smile, and not just on my lips. When I am happy, it shows in my eyes. And just like a tuning fork takes to another and resonates, a smile in the eyes also finds its companion soon. At the end of the day, it ends up making everyone’s day a better experience. Please feel free to try this out for a couple of days in case you have any doubts.

Secondly, I stay happy because it is necessary to be happy. Yes, you read that right. It is necessary to stay happy. Happiness is a conscious choice at most of the times. Though I have plenty of happy moments throughout my day, I will be the first one to agree that it is not a natural state of mind for most of us (including me). We humans are naturally programmed to be restless. Happiness requires calm, which we don’t possess out-of-the-box. It is more of an acquired skill than an inborn talent. The necessity for happiness is quite simple. A happy, unstressed mind is going to take you much farther in life than a grumbling, cribbing one will. While some amount of stormy weather is good for creativity, execution needs a strong anchor in the deep sea.

Last (and definitely not the least) comes the biggest reason of them all – I am simply not programmed to stay sad/blue for long. Call it a genetic defect if you want to – but if I stay sad beyond a certain time, I actually and up feeling sick of myself and tend to return to at least a neutral state, if not a happy one. The amount and duration of sadness will depend on the situation that caused the grief, but I will definitely return to my natural peaceful state, no matter what. Throw anything at me – it will bog me down, make me cry, go crazy for some time, but give me some time and there I will be – back to being myself again, smiling, ready to take the next bouquet/brickbat. People who have known me for long will know what I am talking about. Agreed that it does make me look nonchalant or even careless most of the time, but I have observed that it works better for me than making a long face and making a Devdas out of myself. And if the grief is really overwhelming, you can always “fake it till you make it”. 🙂

So, I guess I did manage to keep it pretty short. Not bad at all. 😀 Till next time, all I will say is –  stay happy!! 🙂