Returning to writing after a long time has a charm, as well as a risk of its own. On one hand, the longing to get back to the realm of words tugs at your soul. On the other, you tend to remember why you had stopped coming there and grow wistful. Be it sheer laziness to hit the keyboard for reasons other than bread and butter, or the fear of your words exposing the secrets you have painstakingly kept hidden from the world, it is always a tricky business – maintaining the balance between the urge to tell and the desire to remain silent. Add to this the typical philosophical or “year in review” mode I usually find myself around this time of the year and there can either be drama or disaster – nothing in between. That said, I hope my return here today will be a fruitful one.
One of the hazards of writing after a long time is to decide what to write about and what to leave unmentioned. Typically, I would write about the year gone by or something that impacted me deeply, or even the hottest topic of the day (whatever that happens to be). This time, however, I have chosen to write about how the year gone by changed me (for good or for bad) and what I would like to see myself as in 2016. It is quite possible that this post will contain too much of “I, Me, Myself”. Please bear with me (or glide away in cyberspace, if you choose to) 🙂
2015 was a year where “The more things change, the more they remain the same” proved to be true, sometimes in a good sense, sometimes in a not so great one. While the career went (and is still going) great guns, a lot still remains to be achieved. The hunger to prove myself is strong as ever, and the fire of happy dissatisfaction which has always been my propelling force, still burns bright. I travelled to a new country (for work), met new people, saw places that I had always wanted to see, and all this totally on my own, without any company. For someone, who is more comfortable in company than in solitude, this was an interesting occurrence. While health was largely okay, there was a slight scare which was taken care of. Love/companionship was an area where life continued to tease (and taunt). While it was indeed disappointing to end the year with a single status, that is something I have learnt to take in my stride.
For all that it gave (and pushed on) to me, 2015 did manage to change me. I grew a lot quieter (I know that will come as a relief to some :D), more introspective and less likely to use my tongue before I used my brains. From being someone who used to be (mostly) emotion-driven, I learnt to hide them when needed. While internally, I am still as much of a little child as I was a year ago, I learnt to put up a more “grown up” (read: unemotional) face when faced with an unfavourable situation. What also changed was that I learnt to better read people before forming an opinion about them or trusting them. I am still not perfect, but I am much better and hopefully, this will stand me in good stead in the times to come. Last but not the least, I realised I still had the ability to make people smile, even when I wasn’t exactly smiling myself. That was something I thought I had lost along the way.
So, what did not change? The undying (and stubborn) optimism still remains. That is something I hope never changes. The ability to forgive easily still remains (though I do wish I had the ability to forget as well). The easy smile is still there, though the laughter doesn’t burst like before. The desire to do the best in everything that I undertake hasn’t dimmed, and neither has the happiness when I see my loved ones happy. 🙂 I can still wax eloquent (or philosophical as needed) for hours at end when I am in the mood. Oh, and the “quality” of my PJs still remains intact. Whether that is good news or not, depends on how much of them you are subjected to. 😀
All in all, 2015 did give me a lot (while taking away a bit) and I will be grateful to life for yet another worthy year. Looking at the way things are lined up for 2016, I am hoping for it to be a milestone year (in many aspects). Hopefully, I will be much more regular here to document it. Till then, here is to forever optimism and never say die. 2K16, here I come! 🙂