After the first post on taking control, the “sequel” has taken its own sweet time coming. This is simply because I did not want to scribble something just for the sake of it. Though I am mostly a “prototype-first-then-develop” kind of a programmer, I am rather finicky when it comes to writing. If I don’t get a “now that’s something” feeling about it, it doesn’t get published.
In part one, I talked about how our control key does not work on other people’s systems. Now the simple question that follows next is – what if we really need to make something happen, and making that happen involves controlling someone else’s actions/perceptions? Does this mean that what we want will never come through? That we will not see what we want to see happening? Not really – it only means that you won’t be the only person making it possible.
Let me make this more clear. Normally, we tend to think of ourselves as “super-performers” in our own mind. We believe we are capable of doing 10000 times more than what we have already achieved. Nothing wrong with thinking so, except that we frequently cross the (not so) thin line between “I decide what I do” and “I want to decide what others do”. Obviously, that is not possible every time. And when things don’t go the way we want, frustration tends to creep in, to stay. Though I have used an “another person” as an example, the same principle applies to situations as well. So rather than fuss about why/how things are not going our way, isn’t it better to just pause, take a deep breath, and say to yourself – “OK, so I am in a fine mess. So what? Let me just try and see if I can find some way out.”?
So how exactly do we do it? The simple answer is – there is no simple answer. If it was really so simple and obvious, the world would be utopia, which it isn’t. But there is still a way out, and I will try and present my take on it. Your experiences will have something else to say to you, which is perfectly alright, as long as the basics stay in place. I apply the CAD funda when it comes to life. CAD stands for:
- Change what you can change
- Accept what you can’t change
- Decide what you can change and what you can’t
Now you might say – if we are just accepting what we can’t change, are we really “taking control”? Or are we just surrendering to the situation? Whenever you tend to think so, pause. This is the “I-want-to-control-everything” part of you talking. Take it easy, remind yourself that you are not God (or Rajnikanth) and move on.
Funnily, though I call it the CAD funda, it is best applied in exactly the reverse order, DAC. First, decide what you can (or can’t) change, then accept that you just can’t change some things. Once you have done that, you will find yourself at peace with yourself, all geared up to go ahead and actually change those things which you are capable of changing for the better. This is simply because now your mind is free of the unnecessary burden of negativity, and will most likely perform to potential.
After two posts, I feel that there is still a lot more I can talk on this subject. But that will have to wait for a third post, which won’t take much time coming. It’s already in there, I just need to pour it out. Till then, keep pressing that control key. 😉