Tag Archives: looking back

Pearls of “Wisdom”

10 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Love, Musings, Optimism

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Before reading further, please look at the title of this post again. The word “wisdom” is enclosed in quotes, which means that whatever follows may not be wisdom according to you. You may partially or totally disagree with it, which is perfectly fine. This is a list of things I have learnt from life (or in some cases, life has taught me). If reading and following even one of these help you get out of a mess (or to not get into it) then the purpose of writing this has been fulfilled. If not, I don’t mind being at the receiving end of brickbats. 🙂

  1. Do not discriminate. It really couldn’t be put more simply. Just because someone is different from you in some aspect, it does not mean that you get the right to look down at them, or even consider them an aberration. It is about time that we moved away from using parameters like birth, religion, economic status etc. to decide what we should think of someone. This will only lead us to judge them (unfairly so, in many cases) which brings me to the next point.
  2. Do not judge. I know how tempting it is to put labels on people and be done with it. After all, it saves us mental effort and time which is needed to really know them. But then, pause for a moment and consider this – we wouldn’t like anyone to form an opinion about us based on what they think and not what we actually are. So why the hell should we do the same to others? Agreed that we may not have the time and energy to know someone before forming an opinion about them, but I feel it is perfectly okay to NOT have an opinion about something than to hastily form an opinion and stick to it. Try it sometime, it will do more good than harm to you, as well as those around you.
  3. Love. Yes – just a single word, which should tell you that I mean to use it as a verb than as a noun. Fall in love, fall out of love if circumstances force you to, but never run away from love. The more you run away from it, the more you are denying yourself a chance to feel “alive”. And yes, this does not include only romantic love, but platonic love as well. And while we are at it, loving someone does not only mean the desire to be with them, it also means the readiness to do whatever it takes to be with them.
  4. Invest your emotions. Anyone can invest money and/or time into something, it takes courage to invest your emotions into something or someone. Because them, you are rendering yourself vulnerable. No matter what anyone tells you, vulnerability is the greatest indicator of strength, because to me it shows that you are not afraid of exposing your innermost core to the vagaries of the world.
  5. Disinvest your emotions. This is exactly contrary to what I said above, and equally important. Just like monetary investments, emotional investments can go kaput many a times. Know when to stop investing, cut your losses, and move away. People may choose to leave you despite whatever you do to hold them back. In such cases, don’t hold them back, hold the door for them to leave, and make sure you close it tight.
  6. Believe in second chances. At times, someone whom you have shut out of your life may come back, and you may be tempted to have them back. To be honest, there are no dos and don’ts here. It is okay to give them a second chance to put right what they wronged the first time round. Go with what your instincts tell you. However, if they screw you up yet again, there shouldn’t be a third chance.
  7. Cherish those who matter. Even if someone is not a part of your life in the way you want them to be (read: if you have been “friend-zoned” or if the love of your life is the better part of someone else’s life) they still are the same person whom you loved. That they couldn’t play your desired role in your life, doesn’t mean they have no role in your life at all. Loving them was a choice you made, and if it was based on the condition that they be with you, it wasn’t really love at all. Be there for them (if and) when they need you. Of course, make sure that you are at peace with the situation first, or else you will only end up making a mess of yourself.
  8. Listen to advice, consider it, and then, throw it away. Just because anyone (that includes me) gives you advice, doesn’t mean that you are obliged to follow it. Whatever I say comes from my own beliefs and experiences, and you do not have to take it verbatim. Understand what someone is trying to say when they tell you something. See if you agree with it and then act accordingly. No one walks your path, and you don’t have to follow their map.

I realised that some of these points could be posts in themselves, but for now, I will stop here. This is enough food for thought for now. Till next time, adios! 🙂

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This above all, to thine own self be true

09 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by in Life, Looking back, Musings

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Disclaimer: If you expect this post to make sense, please stop reading right now. This is meant only as a random series of thoughts and nothing else.

So said the bard many years ago, and the words continue to hold true even today. However, the reason why these words popped up in my mind today is entirely different. I was talking to a friend of mine, and after some time, the conversation veered towards towards my (non-existent) love life. She asked me if I was seeing someone. I replied that I wasn’t, but I held hope that somewhere down the line, I will have someone in my life. While I did expect her to say something positive, what she said next did come as a surprise. “You have lit up many lives. God will definitely brighten up your path soon.” were her words. I am no stranger to compliments (call that boasting if you want) but that did set me thinking.

In all my life and interactions with people, I have evoked a variety of reactions among people. I have been called an angel at times, an asshole at others. There have been people who have started off with calling me an awesome guy, and ended up calling me an awful person to know. There have also been people who have gone the other way round (thankfully). Amid all this, what has remained constant is my amusement at how the same person can elicit such diametrically different reactions in the very same people over time. I do understand that I have changed over time – sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Circumstances too have their say in how I behave, and consequently, what people think of me. But the change has been quite dramatic in some cases. There have been individuals with whom I hit off so well, that it seemed to be the beginning of a long friendship but some of these ended in them walking out of my life, supposedly pissed off at/by me, yet not bothering to tell me why. And there have been chance encounters which have blossomed into some of the most precious friendships I have ever experienced.

While the positive experiences warm my heart, and the not-so-good ones leave me dejected, I have slowly learnt not to take either of these too much to heart. There will always be people who will be fond of me, and there will be those who can’t stand the sight of me. But yet, at the centre of it all, I am very much the same person. And I am the only person whom I have around at all times – bright or blue. I may not be right always, but neither am I always at fault. All I really need to do is to be honest to myself and those around me, and I am sure life will work out the rest quite well. That is the only thing I aim for. So, whether you think of me as a great guy or as someone who grates on your nerves, understand that I am just being myself. If you have an issue with that, be honest about it, I promise that I will give it a thought. What I don’t promise is to change myself because you think I need to. That will happen only when I think I need to, because as uncle William said – “This above all, to thine own self be true”. 🙂

a lot did happen over coffee…

26 Saturday Dec 2009

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So…once again I return to Soul Country after a longish time, after promising (yet again) to be regular with my posts. Well…all I will say is that I am indeed regular..just that I am not as frequent as I would want to be. 😀

And before you have a look at the post title and think that I am CCD’s new brand ambassador, let me deny that possibility. What gets me hitting the keyboard once again is the time of the year when we are already looking forward to the next one, in anticipation of getting what we couldn’t lay our hands on this time, of achieving what eluded us this time. Normally, I do this around my birthday, but this time I thought the year-end was as good a time as any to look back on the 365 days gone by. Having a 3-day weekend at my disposal with nothing much to do helped,too. 😉

For ease of thought flow (and to enable the readers to run away whenever they feel like 😛 ), I will be dividing this one into a few sub-categories:

  1. Career:
    Unlike the years gone by, this was one front which saw quite diminished activity, at least on the surface. Underneath the surface, however, a different story was being scripted. This year was not only about putting in additional efforts into my own work, but also about being responsible for others’ work,too. In that sense, I learned a lot about managing mine and others’ resources to ensure that the responsibilities get fulfilled (read: backsides don’t get whipped 😀 ). OK…on a serious note, it helped me widen my outlook and become more proficient in my job. Also, the year-end saw some positive changes happening in this sphere. Of course, I still have a long way before I can look back and say that I am really happy with what I have achieved, and there were a few disappointments along the way, but on the all, this year has been one of growth. What I aim to do in 2010 is to aim for the stars, and land them in my lap. So does this mean that I am looking to be in a new place next year? Well..that depends on if the person reading this post is my boss or not… 😉
  2. Human Connections:
    As I have mentioned long back, I prefer the use of this phrase over done-to-death-and-beyond clichés like “Love”, “Relationships”, “Friendships”, “Romance” and so on. However, the activity in this sphere has been quite frenetic this year, so it will be divided into 2 parts, as you will see if you have reached so far, and still manage to hold on till you reach there. 😛
    When I had used this term for the first time (way back in 2006), I was rather surprised (even shocked) by the changes that had taken place in this area of my life. Not so this time – now it was just about a little bit of surprise, no shocks. If 2006 was about making a large number of new friends and being exposed to a wide peoplescape, 2009 was more about trimming the weeds, and concentrating on what was really important to me. I made very few new friends/acquaintances this year, and some of the older faces dropped off the landscape, but on the whole, I would say I am quite happy with the way things stand now. As always, there is scope for improvement, but I know I am on the right track, and I know where I am going. 🙂
  3. Dil (na) bole hadippa:
    This is one area where the most profound changes took place – and this was what really helped me “grow” as a person. Normally, this is something you won’t find me talking about –  to the extent that some people actually will fall off from their chairs on reading this.
    This was the year where I found myself in midst of lots of action. I fell in love (yet again, as my pals would say), proposed marriage (no…this does not belong to “yet again” category). This was indeed my first time…and I am quite surprised with the (relative) ease with which I did it. So, any of you who are reading this, and are unable to open up your hearts and mouths, you know whom to contact. 😉
    Now follows the next logical question (a programmer has to find logic in everything :D) – what happened next? Well…the fact that I am still single should say it all. Here’s where the title of this post comes into play – a lot did happen over coffee… Lots of bonding, hours of crazy conversations, some real good listening (very unusual for someone like me who loves the sound of his own voice) and not to mention, a whole lot of involvement. Somewhere down the line, things did not really turn my way, but touch wood… they did not turn bad, as one would normally expect them to. I know this sounds so dreamily idealistic, and even unreal, but then that’s how it is.
  4. I, Me, Myself:
    Coming back to what was at the centre of all these happenings – truly yours truly (no…that’s not a typo, I indeed meant “truly” to be used twice).
    To be honest, when 2009 started off, I had expected it to be a hectic one on other fronts, and comparatively peaceful on the personal front. However, as it draws to an end, I am realising that reality has turned out to be quite the opposite. 2009 saw me go from a shy-ish, reticent introvert to one who calmly but confidently spoke his mind, even when there could be a storm of thoughts/emotions raging within. I may not be an extrovert yet, but I have much less trouble expressing myself, whatever the situation may be. Most importantly, I am now not afraid of failure or of not getting what I want. What matters more to me now is that if I want something, I should give my best towards making it happen. I may not win all the stakes, but I will make sure that I have left nothing on the table. Those interested in astrology might say that this does not sound like the peaceful/cautious bull that I look to be, but let me issue a reminder – I am a cusp and this is just the ram side of me taking over for what really matters to me.
    The major driver for this change was the upheaval that I went through after what happened in point 3 above. Generally, one would expect themselves to be in a mental soup, and for some time, that did happen to me, but surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), the pain itself became the source of my strength. Today, I know that I stood strong for what I truly wanted, regardless of the outcome. And that when the going gets rough again, I will be more than equipped to make a game of the cards that are dealt to me.
    Another major change I observed that people around me took me more seriously, to the extent that I could goof up a bit and yet be taken on face value just because “Sameer says so…”. While some of my helpful friends would attribute it happily to the fact that I am on the wrong side of 30 now, and the grey matter outside my head is beginning to compete with the one inside, I prefer to turn a deaf ear to them :P. The key factor behind this change, I think, is that now I take myself more seriously than ever before. If I want to do something, it takes me much less effort to convince myself that I can do it. And when I back myself to do something, I tend to give it all that I have, as I said just above.

I just read what I had written above and realised that it was beginning more like blowing my own trumpet than a review as such. So, on that note, I will call it a day here. If you have survived till here and are searching for me to land a few blows on me –  remember…you brought this on yourself. 😛 As a respite, there’s always the comments section where you can vent steam. 😀

The breeze will blow past these pages soon….Till then, adios… 🙂