Category Archives: Happiness

Travel light!!

13 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Musings

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Some days back, I was talking to my mom about something. Yes, contrary to what many of my friends think, I don’t spend all my waking hours in office. 😉 Invariably, the conversation veered towards our relatives. They are indeed so much in number that they tend to pop up everywhere, even in our conversations. 😀 That was when my mom told me that so-and-so uncles were not on talking terms with so-and-so aunt and my reaction was “Weren’t they like peas in a pod the last time we talked about them?”, last time being barely a year back. My mom’s reply – “Yeah, they had some showdown about <insert random trivial issue here> and they are not talking to each other now”. And I was like…shouldn’t they know better than that? Especially at their age, when my generation looks at them as role models (sort of). Isn’t age supposed to make you humble, wise and all good things like that? But then again, maturity is not a guaranteed byproduct of age, is it? So, rather than blaming the elders, why not look at the real issue?
And it is this – not everyone knows how to (or is willing to) let go of grudges, resentments and all other negative emotions that tie us down. We often carry all these along with us, weighing down on our heart, and our very being. We do realise that we are not doing the right thing here, yet continue to do it. Why? I feel it is because of two reasons (there may be many, but these two immediately come to mind). One, holding a grudge against someone/something makes us feel like we are the aggrieved party, the one who has been unfairly treated. This, we believe, gives us the right to place ourselves at a higher moral ground against the “aggressor”. “If I have been unfairly treated, doesn’t that automatically mean that I was doing the right thing and the other person was wrong in what he did?” is how we reason this out with ourselves. Secondly, we assume that if we have been wronged against, we have been put in an uncomfortable position, and yet we have managed to “survive it”. Hence, we have some superpower that allows us to treat others like mere mortals who have done nothing but create problems for us. We talk proudly about how someone did their best to trouble/use/manipulate us and we did not fall prey to their machinations. What we fail to realise is that when we keep talking about the long-lost grudges, we show that we are still carrying them with us, on our heart, our mind. Yes – we achieved a lot inspite of all that we faced, but wouldn’t we have achieved much more if we had just let go of all that held us down for so long, and soared into the sky, much lighter, much more hopeful?
I believe life is like a journey, and grudges (and other assorted negative emotions) are nothing but useless baggage that slows you down. The longer you travel, the more baggage you pick up, and hence, the more you need to discard if you want to keep moving ahead. Else you are just going to slow down, and stangnate at the end of it all. Trust me on this – every single person in your life is going to hurt you at some point or other, knowingly or unknowingly. Does this mean that you keep that hurt boiling on a cauldron all life long? If the answer is even remotely close to yes, remind yourself of all the good times with that very same person. You meant (and hopefully, still mean) a lot to them, and them to you. Why would you want to trouble yourself looking at the dark moments when there is so much sunshine to cherish? And if the person no longer means much to you (or vice versa), that is even more reason to let go of all those moments/memories that are haunting you.
Easier said than done, right? Of course, easy to say, and perhaps way more difficult to actually implement. Afterall, Teflon wasn’t around when God created the human mind. 🙂 We find it really difficult to let go, even when we know we should. Here, I can only say what works for me, and hope it works for you as well. The next time you remember a person/situation for something “bad” they did to you, and hate them for it, force yourself to remember a few “good” things that they did to you. I can bet – you will be able to come up with at least one good thing for every bad thing. And if you can’t, they never should have been a part of your life. Stop keeping them in your life by thinking on and on about them. It will seem painful in the beginning, like all detachment does. At the end of the day though, you will thank yourself for it. 🙂
So yes, life is indeed a journey. If you want to travel far and wide to the beautiful lands, let go of your excess bagagge. Travel light!! 🙂

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Tomorrow would be a better day

09 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life

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Walking round the park, to the tune of his favourite song wafting in his ears, was something he always enjoyed. Not only did it make him feel happy from within, it also allowed him to exist somewhere between reality and imagination, in thought-filled suspension. Among the things that he made sure never to miss, were the daily walks in the park, followed by the coffee from the “cycle waala anna” as he used to call him. For him, the walks were not just exercise, but also means to calm down his mind, to detoxify his thoughts.

Today had been an unusually bad day at work, with his boss making sure that he hated his job a bit more than usual. Surprisingly, today the walk had failed to calm him. Perhaps he was overwhelmed by all that had happened during the day. To top it, the coffee waala was nowhere to be seen, which pissed him off even more. As he finished his walk and waited for his dose of coffee, he happened to notice a kid playing at some distance from him. Not finding anyone around supervising the child, he walked towards the kid, almost prepared to admonish him for playing alone in the park. When he reached a few steps away from the kid, he noticed that there was no reason really for anyone to be around the kid. His torn clothes and dusty demeanor told of a street-side orphan, whom you could expect to roam the streets alone. The broken toys in his hands further confirmed his suspicion.

Slightly disappointed, he drew away, but then something caught his attention. The boy had on his face, perhaps one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. Absolutely engrossed in his own little world, the boy was least bothered by all that happened around him.

“Toote khilone se khelne mein itna mazaa aata hai tujhe?” (Do you really enjoy playing with a broken toy so much?), he asked.

Looking up and beaming, the kid replied “Haan. Kal to ye bhi nahi tha. Aaj kuch to hai na.” (Of course! Yesterday I did not even have this. At least today I have something)

“Aur kal agar ye bhi nahi raha toh?” (And what if you don’t have this with you tomorrow?)

“To kya? Toh phir kuch aur hoga. Uske liye rone ka kaayko?” (So what? Maybe I will have something else. Why to worry about that?)

Saying so, the kid went back to his game, leaving him thinking. Yaar, sach hi to bola woh..why to cry?, he smiled to himself as he walked back. Tomorrow was indeed going to be a brighter day at work. He was going to make sure it was. 🙂

Back to life

08 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Hope, Life, Looking back, Love

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The sudden whirring of the coffee machine right behind him jolted him back to his senses. Looking at the now empty glass of Devil’s Own in front of him, he signaled to the cafe attendant for a repeat order. While waiting for the coffee, he focused his gaze on the crowds outside the cafe.

Observing people was his favourite hobby, making stories out of those observations his passion. He remembered the time when they used to sit for hours on a corner seat and create stories out of the crowds passing by. From blossoming love stories to kids sulking because they were denied their treats, from huge groups of cheerful faces to loners enjoying their crowded solitude, their imagination had led them on endless flights of fantasy. Creating stories was something he always enjoyed, doing so with her was the proverbial icing on the cake. “Tum kahaaniyaan banaate nahi thakte na kabhi?” was her usual refrain. “Haan to kya karu? Tum saath hoti ho to mera imagination kuch zyaada hi daudne lagta hai. Sab tumhaari hi galti hai. :P” was his usual retort. All over the years, the refrain never changed, and neither did the retort. It was one of those things where change was pretty much unwelcome.

The loners (lone rangers, as she called them) were his favourite subject, because when there was not much to observe, there was much more to imagine. Never thought I would end up being one of the lone rangers, he smiled to himself. “Let me see if someone out there is observing me. Am I somebody’s lone ranger?” Sure enough, there were a few eyes drifting across him, taking care to stop just long enough to observe, but not long enough to stare.

It was a few months since they had seen each other for perhaps the last time, and he still remembered her eyes, fixed on him as she walked (no…dragged) away from  him, perhaps the most difficult steps she ever took. Endless moments had passed since then, and though he did not really like it, he had habituated himself to a life without her. The only thing that he had not mustered enough courage for, was to step into their favourite cafe. Doing something which was an “us thing”, all by himself, almost felt like sacrilege. But he knew, deep within, that he needed to do it.

Finishing the second cup of coffee, he paid the bill and walked out of not just the cafe, but also his past. A past, which was undoubtedly beautiful, but would look best only in the sunsets of memories, not the sunrises of the dreams. He walked back to life.

Love…actually!!

05 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Love, Musings

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After writing about the best love story I have ever seen, I am back with…yes, you guessed it right…yet another love story. Can’t help it – love is something about which I can write any time, anywhere and trust me, I can go on and on. 🙂

Contrary to what some would expect, this is not about my love story. This is about a love story which I only got to know about a few months back, and which has stayed with me ever since then. This is the story of Samarpita and Sankalp, who celebrate their fourth wedding anniversary today. This post is meant to be my little contribution to the celebrations. 🙂

I came across Samarpita (Sam) on Twitter a few months ago during the course of an afternoon of random handle-hopping. Like I normally do, I checked out her blog, and liked what I found. She writes (and thinks the same way too, as I discovered later) quite sensibly. Of course, she has her share of dramatic moments, but then that goes with the territory I guess. 😛 I haven’t interacted with Sankalp yet, but if he is anything like how she describes him, he has to be a pretty sorted out guy. Now this is one story I haven’t seen closely, so I will not be going into the details. What I will be focusing on instead, is how it makes me feel, and what it teaches me.

Firstly, and most importantly, it reinforces my belief that anything worth having in your life, is worth fighting for…to the very end. It might be one thing to expect things to fall in place just because you think you “deserve” to have that person in your life, but the fact remains that nothing good in life has ever come easy. We may crib about how life makes us work our backside off to get what we want, but do we ever pause and enjoy the awesome feeling when we end up with someone we want to be with? To put it simply, if you want to be with someone, be prepared to go the extra mile, and more, to be with them.

Just because two people love (and want to be with) each other, life isn’t going to say “Oh how sweet!! Here…let me hand you a pair of wedding bells. Enjoy your ride into the sunset”. It is going to make you work hard for it, make you prove that yours is not but a fleeting dream, it is a strong determination to have that person by your side. It might pull you apart in the process, but if you stick to your guns, it is definitely going to put you back together on that ride into the sunset, and throw in a nice orange hue over the horizon, on the house. 🙂

While you are on the way to your destination, there will be times when you will feel like giving up, and justifiably so. Things will seem so bleak that it would seem like a lesser evil to just give it all up, and fall in line with what you are supposed to do, and not what you really want to do. This is your moment of truth, and it will separate the “we did it” stories from the “we could have been” ones. Hang on to each other, to yourself, with all that you have. If it is meant to be, it will bloody well be. 🙂

We are used to being a certain person, behaving in a certain manner all our lives, and obviously find nothing wrong with it. However, there will be times when you feel that you being yourself is not working in favour of the relationship. This will be one of the biggest questions you will have ever faced – whether to change yourself for the sake of someone, or to stick to your “individuality”. There are many ways of looking at it, but all I will say is this. If making some changes to who/what you are makes life easier for both of you, and makes the other person feel valued, go for it by all means. There will still be people who will tell you not to change at all and that the other person should be able to accept you just the way you are. Let them live in their utopia – you are the one trying to make a real life here. 🙂

So…finally all went well, and the bells chimed for you. Yay!! Now to settle down into holy matrimony, and enjoy life forever after…right? You couldn’t be more wrong. There is a reason why all those movies end with the couple getting married, and it is this – would you really pay to watch the heroine adjust with her new family, or the hero get up and go to office, wondering how the girl he loved has transformed into the woman he has married? 😀 Movies are about suspension of disbelief, life is about real belief. As simple as that. Most of the times, marriage is just the beginning of a greater story, one that is going to be written over a lifetime. Just like you enjoyed the prologue, enjoy the main act. It will seem like survival at times, but get this one thing clear – If, every morning, you are getting up next to the person you want to, you are extremely privileged. Be grateful for that, and do whatever you can to deserve that privilege.

Like I said before, I can go on and on about this, but then, this is not about me. This is about you, S and S. 🙂 And I will say this, your story not only inspires me, it gives me hope. A hope that life is surely going to smile for me some day, and I will be there, beaming right back at it. 🙂

No..I haven’t forgotten what this post is basically about..hehe. Wish both of you an awesome fourth anniversary, and may there be at least 40 more. Of course, more the merrier!! 😀 What say?

Ek chhoti si love story

17 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in Happiness, Life, Love, Musings

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Valentine’s day was celebrated a couple (pun intended) of days back, with a lot of fervour. Lots of people (read: the committed ones) were all awash in red, while many others (read: singles/cynics) saw red. Me? I was enjoying myself, watching both these types. And yes, writing this post. So, why am I publishing this 3 days after V-Day? Simply because I did not want to get it to get lost in all that red. 😉

Since this was written on V-day, it is obvious that it is going to be about love. However, this is not going to be about love per se, I am simply going to tell you about the best love story I have ever seen – that of my parents. 🙂

Almost 35 years...and still going strong!

Like all good love stories, this one too goes a really long way back. Both of my grandfathers were with the Imperial Police (post-1947, the Mumbai police). Both families were neighbours in the Police Lanes at Byculla (we are talking about the 1960s here) and it so happens that rice, sugar or pulses weren’t the only things that were exchanged between them. 😀 This was where love blossomed between the two. True to form, like most love stories, it wasn’t smooth sailing all the way. My maternal grandpa didn’t quite approve of the pairing and put his foot down, saying “no can do”. It was then that mom/dad did something which wasn’t quite so common in those days – they went for a court marriage. Yes, 2 witnesses from either side, garlands exchanged in the Registrar’s office, typical poses for the camera, and all that jazz. 😛

Well, the story didn’t end there. In fact, this was the real beginning, of a life-long story. One in which there were obstacles, ups and downs, sunshine and clouds, but most importantly, trust and faith. In all the years that I have been seeing my parents spend their lives with each other, one thing has always struck me – though theirs is a love marriage, they are not the typical “in love” couple. I cannot remember a day when dad bought a flower for mom or when mom sung a song for dad. In fact, the last time dad bought a flower home for mom, it was because he had got it at a wedding reception and did not want to waste it by throwing it away. 😛

So what is it that has really kept them together? There are many factors that make this happen, but the biggest one is the simplest. They want to be with each other – as simple as that. 🙂

For all their differences of opinion, and their small (and sometimes not-so-small) arguments about how something should be done, they have always been one person to the world. No matter how or what they think about something, once they have (together) taken a decision on it, it is well nigh impossible to get them to contradict each other on that. If you love someone, you stand for them, come what may – this is something I have seen happening throughout my life. I didn’t have to read quotes or watch any cute videos to know that – I have experienced it at close quarters. Of course, this did create some problems for me as a kid. I would hate it when I wanted something and went to mom to ask for it. Her reply would be “I don’t think you need that now.” and then I used to go to dad and pester him. His only question would be “What did mom say?” and on hearing the answer, he would smile and say “Well, its not happening then, son!” I used to be super grumpy then but today I realise how it has helped me a lot, by teaching me to wait for what I want, and more importantly, deserving something before wanting it.

Another very important thing that I learnt from my parents is how to always care for the one you love. It is OK if you may not like all that they do, but at the end of the day, you value the person as a whole, and not the bits and pieces that make them. Till date, regardless of what has happened during the day, I have never seen mom let dad go to sleep without ensuring he has drank milk and neither have I seen dad hit the bed without applying cream to mom’s knees (she has a knee problem). To me, THAT is true love – no matter what all the books/movies/songs in the world tell me.

And then, people ask me why I am such a firm believer in love? Silly question, isn’t it? 🙂